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fail at. She was a bossy child who has grown to become a woman who often tells others what they should think and do. She offers help without being asked, and she resents anyone who does not accept help from her. She gives advice without being asked. She uses sex as a way to gain acceptance.

Alyson's mother experienced a darker cause of codependency, sexual molestation. Alyson's mother was codependent before Alyson was born. Her mother was raped by her grandfather. In her mother's case, the adult abuser demanded that the child become willing to take responsibility for the moods and feelings of the adult. The child was forced to assume the same feelings as the adult. A sexually abused child is also made to feel responsible for the adult's ability to be happy, when the adult demands sexual favors from the child.

Her mother was often depressed. If Alyson's mom was sad one day, Alyson would be sad. If her mother was happy, Alyson was happy. If something made her mother angry, Alyson thought her mood had to change also. Alyson had no concept of how to live in her own family group as an adult, because she did not know how to keep her feelings from affecting the rest of her group. Likewise, if her husband was upset, Alyson did not have the ability to keep her own mood from changing to match her husbands. Conflicts were many, because when she was upset, she upset everyone else. When someone else was upset, Alyson did not realize that she did not have to be upset also.

Overly Compliant. Both Alyson and her mother will exhibit patterns of compliant behavior in relationships. They will accept sex when they want love. They are affected by the way people around them are feeling. They feel the same way their partner does. They will stay loyal to relationships even when they are at risk of harm. They will respect the wishes and needs of others more than they respect their own wants and needs. They will dismiss their own feelings and opinions if they are in conflict with someone else. They do not have their own hobbies because they focus on the interests of their partner.

With a high tolerance for inappropriate boundaries in life, codependent children often allow themselves to be in risky situations. They are more likely to use drugs. More likely to become addicts. They are more likely to find themselves in abusive relationships, again, due to lack of healthy limits as to what is acceptable behavior. Codependent children grow to become adults who tolerate being treated

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