by Jim J Jones

Created on: May 21, 2009

Everyone has at some point in their life had the experience of talking to someone who is distracted by something, be it a text message or that strand of hair they keep twirling around. When this happens, there is inevitably a feeling of annoyance about the time being wasted talking to someone who quite obviously doesn't particularly care what they're being told. In the long term, that feeling of annoyance turns into dislike and disrespect, and the ability of the two people in question to work together gradually deteriorates (even if the change is imperceptible).

"How to Make Friends and Influence People", the alpha and omega of all things related to social interaction, dictates quite clearly that a critical step along the way to friendship and an ability to work together is making clear you hear every word another person says. When they speak, all of your attention is to be focused on them, and them alone. Focus on remembering the gist of what you were told, if you can't remember all the details, and reference what you've discussed in the past in future conversations, as this serves as an unconscious reminder that you were not only listening, but listening quite attentively.

To show that you're hanging on every word (even if you aren't), it's always helpful to nod while being spoken to, and to throw in an "uh-huh" or other affirmative sound when a lull in the conversation calls for it. Mirroring the other person's body language can help, though negative body language (e.g. arms crossed) should be avoided at all costs. In all likelihood, the other person will not notice your change in posture consciously, but will unconsciously register that you both are showing the same body language, and will recognize this as a sign that you are paying careful attention to them.

When it comes to actually remembering what you are told, studies show that simply putting effort into pretending to be listening (doing things like imitating their body language) will make this much easier. Another way to help your memory is to spend a minute or two after any conversation working through the other person's reasoning, and trying to formulate what they said in your own words. When you do this you may forget who told you the facts and concepts, but you will remember them because you actually understand where they came from.

Using these simple tricks, you can improve your relationships with your coworkers as well as your ability to absorb and recall the information they tell you. You'll be more productive, more efficient, and more sociable.

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