by Sandra Elizabeth

Created on: May 21, 2009   Last Updated: May 29, 2009

My weight destroyed my relationship at least that is what I told myself. Just as I assured myself, it was because of my weight that I could not find employment and that the reason I was depressed, was that I was fat. Everything (anything) wrong in my life, I blamed on my obesity. It was just so much easier to cling to the fact that I was overweight and held down because of that fact, instead of facing the truth.

The truth is, many overweight people find employment and are happily married, so what was my problem? Had I put all of my love into a relationship with the wrong man? No, because after asking myself that question I came to the realization that I really didn't. What I put into my relationship was gratitude and that is what ultimately destroyed it, (not my weight).

I was so grateful, to have a man love such a fat slob such as myself, I would have done just about anything to please him (and he knew it). A few years into the relationship though, I started to let the numbers on the scale determine the relationships outcome. I dieted like crazy and boasted with pride every time I stepped onto the scale, to show him the declining numbers and while I was starving, he could not have been happier. That's when my gratitude turned into resentment.

As with any crash diet, when I started eating normally again (first slowly and then a bit more quickly) the pounds came back. It almost seemed, at that point, as if, instead of loving me, he hated me. He hated my fat flabby arms and my (slightly) double chin. He would comment with disgust and insensitively joke. The more comments he made, the more cookies I ate and the more jokes he made, the more I cried. What I had once upon a time been grateful for and ended up resenting, both died altogether and the relationship was over.

My weight did not destroy my relationship, my low self-esteem did. If (going into it) I had even an ounce of it, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. If I had just loved myself the tiniest bit, maybe I would have attracted a man who did also. Instead, the man I chose wanted to change me, just as I did. No, my weight did not destroy my relationship with him but between the three of us, we almost destroyed me.

Fortunately, "we" didn't succeed because I made the decision to leave them behind as I walked out the door. My weight, my spouse and the old me were all left in the dust and I never looked back. I had a tough go at it at first but as a rule

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