by Tina Martin

Created on: May 20, 2009

I am certain we have all an experience of being around a child who requires a little discipline. Before I had children of my own, I would have hesitated to discipline someone else's child. When my children were young, and often unruly, I had other people step in at times to provide a stern voice when needed. Sure, there were some people that made me feel incompetent by their intrusion in this area, yet there were many others who offered me insight into how I could effectively deal with their bad behavior. I had a choice, either be insulted by them, or I could learn from the experience. I keep this in mind if I am in a situation where I feel to step in and discipline someone else's child. With that said, there are a few suggestions that I can offer so that you do not offend the parent or the child.

1. Love and Kindness

They go a long ways when we communicate with others, especially a child. If you approach the child in anger, frustration, or in a condescending manner, they most likely will not respond well. Even if their behavior is rude or uncalled for, remember you are the adult and should be more in control of your emotions. Try smiling when you are talking to them - and no, not with gritted teeth - and talk in a calm voice. If you have the idea in your head that you are speaking to them out of concern, your words will be received better.

2. Honor

Phrases like, "don't your parents discipline you?", "who do you think you are?", "what kind of parent lets their child....?" will not honor the parents, or the child. Sure, you may think those things and you could be right, however it will not give you the authority or ability to kindly discipline someone's child. Also, do not assume that your methods of discipline are the right ones - never tell a parent the "best way" to discipline their child, unless of course they ask for your input.

3. Consider Your Motive

Are you wanting to discipline the child because their behavior is unsafe or unkind? Or are you just not in agreement with the rules or of the parent? If I see an older child hurting a younger child or animal, I have no problem stepping in. I may say something like, "Hey, I bet you are usually Mom's (or Dad's) big helper!" to which they usually respond with a "yes" or even just stop what they are doing to look at you. "So do you think this is helpful or do you think maybe it's going to (take longer to get the shopping done) (housework done)(insert some other activity more fitting)?" All said

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