by Ashlye K

Created on: May 20, 2009

The signs of an abusive relationship and/or potential abuser are often overlooked. The violent images are the ones that people associate most with abuse. The woman with the horrible bruises and the angry volatile man that is responsible for her appearance. The truth is, there are many faces to an abusive relationship. Not all of them involve ones with black eyes. Physical abuse is certainly the most recognizable and life-threatening form of abuse. Verbal and/or mental abuse is much more difficult to recognize. There are no outwardly visible scars or bruises, but arguably the internal wounds run deep, and heal much slower than the outwardly visible ones of physical abuse.

Very few if any abusive relationships start out that way. The onset is usually slow and subtle, particularly in the case of verbal/mental abuse. Abusive relationships are about the abuser needing to achieve power and control over the victim. In order to do this, they must win the love and trust of their partner. They do this by being extremely charming and respectful. They may shower their love interest with flowers, poems, and other gifts. From there, the abuse increases slowly over time. Generally speaking, abuse escalates. They increase their methods of abuse over time. They get worse, not better.

Victims caught in abusive relationships are often unwilling to admit that they are with a batterer. Speaking as a previous victim myself, I know that it was very hard for me to admit to myself that I was being abused by my husband. I felt ashamed, and didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. I was afraid that they would ask me why I didn't just leave. That was a question that I wasn't prepared to answer at the time. Recognizing it was the first step for me. These are some of the things that I had to deal with in my former abusive relationship. Check and see if you may be experiencing any of these in your relationship:

1.Your partner nitpicks on you about small things. They may get angry when you don't do something a certain way. For example, you didn't have dinner ready by a certain time, or you didn't fold the laundry in a certain way, etc...

2. When your partner gets angry with you, they throw things and/or break things

3. Your partner gets angry/jealous when you spend time with someone other than them.

4. Your partner calls you names, insults you, puts you down, or makes derogatory jokes or statements about you in public

5. Your partner has pushed, hit, punched,

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