by MC Allen

Created on: May 20, 2009

Every child wants to feel special. Every child has an inherent need to bond with their parents and develop a relationship. Every parent wants this close relationship with their child. But every parent is unsure of how to establish the groundwork. Being one of four children created a constant struggle for attention. Everyone wanted alone time or "me" time with each of our parents. The five basic concepts that were used to create close relationships (and maintain them) are:

1. Carve out one-on-one time every day. Even if this time is only 15 minutes, every child appreciates the undivided attention of a parent for any length of time. Listen to your child, participate in an activity that he is passionate about, look at new paintings, or just read a story. Just make sure that this time is uninterrupted. If you (as the parent) answer the phone or continue to answer questions from another member of the family then the child in front of you feels as if he is very low on your proverbial totem pole.

2. Make sure that you are trustworthy. Every child (at any age) has to get things off his chest. You want to be the person that he can confide in but you cannot repeat the information to others. As a parent, we must learn to keep secrets and maintain respect for our children and their thoughts.

3. No matter what happens, always welcome your child with open arms. For every stupid relationship mistake, there is a scared child that needs his mother. When your child wants to come home and cry on your shoulder, make sure that he can do so without judgement from you. We all make mistakes and home should be a safe haven that all children should want to escape too; not run away from.

4. Never miss a big moment. No one ever forgets if someone is not there for a big moment. Even if you have to fly all night or rearrange every appointment you have ever had, big moments are a necessity. Your child needs to know that on this day (in this moment) he is the most important thing.

5. Always know that for every moment when your child hates you; there will be a moment that he loves you again and needs you to be there. To get through the tough times, you must never say something that you will regret. All children have to grow and mature and if you stupe to their level then you have lost the relationship that you could have had in the future.

As parents we dream of the days that our children will ask us for advice and actually follow what we have suggested. We want to be there in good times and bad and have our children discover that we can be their confidants. To establish these relationships we must lay the groundwork now. Our children need to see the adults that they want to become. It is up to us to show them these adults and model the relationships that we want to have.

Learn more about this author, MC Allen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.