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I was recently forced to sit through Sex and the City. This should give you the gist of what I'm about to say. You may wonder why I'm bothering to review the film. After all, as a heterosexual British male in his late 20s, I'm about as far as it's possible to get from the target demographic. I'm not SUPPOSED to like the film, if you want to get right down to it.

But the fact is that this meandering pile of self-indulgent toss bored me and enraged me (often simultaneously) to the point where I just have to fire a foaming rant across cyberspace.

Sex and the City is, for those of you who've been lucky enough to avoid it, a big screen adaptation of a TV 'comedy' about four friends in New York. The series was in turn based on the best-selling book of the same name by Candace Bushnell. It was championed in its day for the then-unusual spectacle of women talking frankly about sexual pleasure, even though the book persistently refers to male genitalia as 'unmentionables' (yes, I've read it).

The film picks off however many years it is since the end of the show. Two of them are married, the other two live with long-term boyfriends. A quick rundown:

Carrie, aka Horse-faced One: The stand-in for original author Bushnell, Carrie is the film's narrator and central character. The main thread of what passes for a plot is her attempt to marry Mr Big, who will remind you inescapably of the guy who steals Simon Pegg's girlfriend in Spaced.

Samantha, aka Old One: Kim Cattrall is a bit older than the others, but she's the only one to have had a career worth mentioning beyond the series so I can't be too harsh. She lives in California, although you wouldn't have thought it from the ease with which she flips between the coasts, as people do in films.

Charlotte, aka Pretty One: I've never seen anyone with top billing have such an insignificant role in a film.

Miranda, aka Ginger One: Aka 'the only one who gets her knockers out, even though you wish quite fervently that she wouldn't'. She's also the only other one who gets much of a look in, from a character point of view, as her marriage goes through a dramatic upheaval.

So, why do I hate this film so very badly? Basically, it's a romantic comedy. It's based on a comedy series and it concerns people's relationships and search for love. And yet, it's not funny. At all. Apart from a bit where a dog humps a pillow.

Even worse, it's not particularly romantic. These are dreadful, horrible women, who deserve absolutely everything

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