by Traci Jo Shaffer

Created on: May 20, 2009   Last Updated: May 22, 2009

Is it easier to walk away or stay with a partner who is violent.

In my opinion, especially from my experience, it's better to walk away than to stay with a partner whom is violent.

I have left my abusive and violent partner approximately seven times. He was very abusive verbally, mentally, and physically violent. It all started during our first year of marriage. I left seeking help in a shelter, I even had to leave town.

He tried making Changes within himself which only worked for a little while. I had two boys with this man. Every time I left because of his abuse and every time I'd see a little Change, I'd go back because i thought I loved him.

How can you love someone that is abusive ? I had to ask that question to myself often.

I learned a lot in the shelters, we (the women that lived there) had to attend classes.Watch movies about women that were abused, crippled from the abuse,and women that would be running for the rest of their lives.

My sons were 5 and 3 when I finally picked up and left I thought was once and for all. I say I thought because there was at least one more time. I didn't want that kind of life for my sons. i wanted them to know that it wasn't Okay to hit a girl.

We went to another town to a shelter, then we eventually left there to go to another state. We were going to make a new life for ourselves, Eventually their dad had found us. We gave it another shot. it lasted about a year. I had to seek help once more.I hated that I had to start over at least one more time.

We had been separated for years before we got a divorce. We were married about 15 years. My sons are 21 and 19 now. I've been remarried to another man about ten years. This man I married while my sons were young. They see that he is good for me. He had his quirks, but he wasn't abusive. If he ever started to get abusive, he was put in his place. My sons didn't let anyone treat me in a bad way at all.

They do know that their dad is abusive and he showed it to one of the boys at one time when he became a teenager. They do know that their dad is mean. He once made a statement to me saying that I was going to be alone some day. Actually that ended up to be the other way around. Their dad is all alone. The boys don't have much to do with him at all. They know he is their dad, they may call him to see how he is doing, but that's about it..

So it's better to walk away from an abusive violent partner than to end up dead. I'm thankful for the shelters that are all around the world to help women all over the world. I have learned a lot.

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