by Randy Duckworth

Created on: May 19, 2009

Imagine that your son or daughter comes home to you one day and says that they have something to talk to you about. They seem more nervous than you have ever seen them before; flustered and stammering, it is obvious that something has them in agony. Concerned, you patiently try to reassure them that no matter what their news is, you'll understand. Then, after what feels like an eternity, they finally drop the bomb: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay!"

There is really no right or wrong way to handle this news. Every family and every situation is different. Although this moment has the potential to become a disaster of monumental proportions, tragedy can be avoided if both parents and their gay children will follow a few simple tips. First of all, don't panic; just take a deep breath and try to relax. Panic can only cause misunderstanding and miscommunication, but a little patience from both sides can work miracles.

The negative reactions that most parents have to the news are often knee-jerk reactions based in fear of what they do not understand. Likewise, the gay child can sometimes be unfair to their parents, because their own fear leads them to underestimate their parents' capacity to understand; they automatically assume that their parents will reject them.

As a parent, there is no denying that the experience of having your child come out as gay or lesbian can be very unsettling, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world. The important thing that parents need to remember is that their child is still the exact same human being that he or she was before you knew about their sexual orientation. This is still the same little boy or girl that you have loved and been proud of for years, with the same values, likes, and dislikes. Being gay does not change these things. If you can realize this, then your job is simple; all you have to do is continue to love your child, and treat them just the same as you always have.

It can be very difficult to remain calm while having this discussion, but that is the best piece of advice that can be offered to the parent in this situation. Try not to overreact; don't get flustered and start grilling your child with a million questions about how or why this happened, or how they could shame the family this way. Those are answers that they will not be able to give you! Most gay folks have no clue what caused them to be gay, they only know that they are; even the best scientific minds in the world have not been able to pinpoint

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