by Keith Coburn

Created on: May 19, 2009

I think about my father often, he died in March 2004 but it still seems like yesterday. I can still see him setting at the kitchen table with his ball cap cocked to the side a bit eating dinner and talking with me about life. I remember watching him watch TV in his rocker, laughing to the point of making me laugh. He always had a glow about him; he could walk into a room and light it up with a smile.

In 2004 when my father passed, I felt I needed to be the rock for the family. I went to the funeral home early with my wife so I could have my time to grieve and then be there to support the other family members grieve. I held in a lot of emotions because I wanted to be strong for my family. At the time, I felt that was the right thing to do.

Later that year I made a decision to go back to school and get that pesky Bachelors degree that I promised myself I would get years before. It was on my to do list that was supposed to be done before I turned 30 but as in anyone's life, life happened, and I put my education on the back burner to raise my family.

I started taking courses and writing papers. I wrote 3 or 4 papers for different classes that were about my father. I would write and cry and write some more. I would feel really good after writing those papers, like I was releasing all the emotions that had built up from the loss of my father. Although I hadn't given writing much thought about being an outlet I soon realized that getting all the emotions out of my head made me feel so much better. It was literally like taking a ladle and removing stale water from my emotional tank so I could pour new fresh water to refresh my emotions. It was really amazing.

Once I finished my degree I put writing on the back burner but felt like something was missing so I started writing again. I write now to get all the ideas and emotions that are floating around in my head out so I can move on to the next and it really has become not only a healing process but a preventive maintenance process for me. I will continue to write because it keeps life for me in perspective and on an even keel.

I would like to ask you try a little experiment the next time you are feeling extreme emotions about something; take the time to write out what you are feeling. Don't be a perfectionist just get your feelings out, when you are done don't bother to read it just save it. At a later date, pull that piece out and read it, thinking about where you were emotionally that day. My guess is you will realize how expressing you're feeling at that time helped you move forward and cope.

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