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divorce-related questions. Your children will ask many questions at this point, sometimes repeatedly, because they need the comfort that your answers will bring. Also, it is important that both you and your spouse answer these questions with a great deal of patience and love. Perhaps you will not yet know the answers to some of their questions, but be honest at this point, admit that you do not have the answers, and again, reassure them that their concerns will be handled with their best interests in mind.

- Give them time to digest the news.

The news of an impending divorce is devastating to children, and from their perspective, everything they once knew about life is suddenly changing for the worse. This can come as an extreme shock, even in cases where your children were aware that problems existed in your marriage. Of course, they will require time to fully understand and accept the news, and it is not uncommon for some children to find it very difficult to ever reach full acceptance regarding the situation. Many times, children will hold on to the hope that their parents will one day reconcile, and it is essential that you gently, but realistically, explain to them that this will likely not be the case in your situation. Further, there are some children who will require the help of a professional in order to sort through their emotions. Therefore, do not hesitate to get them whatever help they may need, and to be available for them at all times.

- Work as a team with your spouse.

Remember that this is a time to focus on the needs of your children. You and your spouse may be at odds, but it is better to refrain from allowing this discussion with your children to turn into an argument between two soon-to-be ex-spouses. Therefore, if you can agree to put your differences aside and focus on the task at hand, then it would be in the best interest of the children to do so. Discuss in advance how the two of you will approach the children, how questions will be answered, and commit to working with, as opposed to against, each other.

Telling your children about a divorce is not easy to do, and it will be a difficult time for everyone involved. However, while it cannot be avoided, you can, and should, have a plan in place to ensure that the news is broken in as gentle and loving a manner as possible for the sake of the children.

Learn more about this author, Mary Ann Rudy.
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