by M.A. Dal Cero

Created on: May 19, 2009   Last Updated: July 31, 2009

The decision between a husband and wife to divorce is only the beginning of an extremely long, difficult, and often painful journey. Once you and your spouse have made the decision to end your marriage, it is entirely natural for a number of questions regarding the immediate future, and beyond, to bombard your mind. Undoubtedly, the first among them will be: How are we going to tell the children? It is important that you prepare in advance for the moment you reveal this news to your children. Keep in mind that they will be shocked, emotions will be unleashed, and it will very likely be one of the most uncomfortable and painful experiences that you, your spouse, and your children will be forced to endure. However, there are ways in which to ensure that you handle this situation in as beneficial and productive a manner as possible.

- Tell them together.

It is essential that you and your spouse tell the children about the divorce together. Obviously, you should all meet in a quiet place free from distractions of any sort. Begin by reassuring them that they are loved by both of you, and that what you are about to tell them is in no way their fault, or something that they could have prevented. Calmly explain to them that you will be getting divorced. The first question you will likely be asked is: Why? Keep in mind that it is usually best to refrain from going into more detail than is absolutely necessary, and to answer in a way that does not cause one parent to be seen in a negative light. For example, if the cause of your divorce is infidelity, then it is not wise to tell this to children who will not understand the meaning of the word. Further, in cases where a child is old enough to understand, it will only create a situation in which they will be burdened with more information than is beneficial to them. Plainly stated, they will be shocked and upset enough by the fact that a divorce is going to occur, and there is no need to add extra information that would only cause them more pain and confusion.

- Answer their questions and address their concerns.

To the best of your ability, honestly answer all questions and address all concerns that your children might have. Naturally, they will want to know who they are going to live with, if they are going to have to move or change schools, and generally, what other changes will occur in their lives as a result of the divorce. It is essential to remember that reassurance is the key when attempting to answer their

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