by Joan Collins

Created on: May 19, 2009   Last Updated: December 31, 2009

Every parent wants their child to be obedient and mild mannered, so if  "He only listens when I yell!" Is your story you are probably feeling pretty frustrated.  No parent wants to lose control and yell.  It is important to find out why your child only listens when you yell and then work to make it different.

Parents tend to set the scene for this scenario without even realizing it. Children misbehave and their parent threaten them with a consequence. The behavior doesn't change and the threat is repeated - several times. Start paying close attention to the behaviors in your home. When you know what is happening, you can discover what you can do to improve your skills and change your parenting techniques to ones that don't make you feel bad when the discipline is over.

As you observe the situation in your house there is a good chance that you will find that you yell about the same time you get mad.  Your frustration level has reached its limit and you are now ready to follow through with the threats you have made the last eight times you spoke. Kids are just like adults. They will put off doing chores, settling down or anything else until they see the deadline. When you yell, they know you mean business. Parents usually start moving about the same time the yelling gets serious.

Try this simple solution based on the power of information. Choose which behaviors that are both acceptable and unacceptable in your children. A good time to do this is while they are being good so you don't get sidetracked by their present behavior. Choose what discipline actions you will take if the child misbehaves. Work with your spouse if you are married. Make sure the two of you will follow the same procedure.

Now comes the power of information. Sit the children down and tell them about the new plan. Explain what is expected, what is forbidden and what will happen. It will take a while for it to change because they are so used to waiting for you to yell. so the next time your child misbehaves, refuse to yell and threaten. You have empowered them already by telling them what will happen. The day of chances is over. Act. Calmly follow through with the chosen consequence. Since you determined the consequence ahead of time, nothing is said rashly and you should not, ever, reconsider the action. Follow through or you will ruin your influence.

If you have a child that is just not getting the message, keep your voice down even if your child yells at you. A noted child

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