by Sandra Olson

Created on: May 18, 2009

Ah, Birthdays! So many people celebrate their natal day but, in actuality, it is not of their doing and should not be celebrated as a personal accomplishment. If one has the courage to be honest, we did nothing but show up. In my opinion, we should remember and honor our parents on our birthday! Okay, you say...but my parents aren't alive, or they weren't good role models, or they were selfish, controlling, demanding, unkind...you supply the adjective. But, it remains the truth that if it weren't for your parents, you would have no birthday. If we all got the parents we truly deserved some of us would have saints; some would have sinners. Why expect acolades, gifts, hats and horns when the hard work of bringing us into this world was done by someone else? And the hard work of raising us was also a gift. Survival is all we did to earn our place in this world.

I had truly wonderful parents. Did I deserve them? It's a matter of opinion. I was a very wanted child as my mother and father had been married for five years and had tried to conceive for three of those years. Both of them, plus extended family ,had me convinced I was the cutest, smartest, more adorable little girl to ever draw breath. In their eyes, of course, I was and even to this day it always surprises me that there are cuter, smarter and more adorable women all around me. There is something to be said for not instilling an over abundance of self-esteem in little kids! The secret is balance between knowing we have shortcomings and rejoicing in our talents. Anything else is unrealistic and sets a child up for disappointment eventually. Good self esteem, however, allows us to bounce back from those disappointments. I was unhappy, however, when they chose to have a second child, another daughter. I got over it!

To return to my original premise, it is one's parents who should be celebrated on one's birthday. If in absentia, a time of reflection of either good times or bad may be in order. It can put things into prospective and, if we are parents ourselves, it can influence our choices and styles. If parents are alive, taking them to dinner, baking them a cake, giving them a gift for giving you life, well that's a celebration of major degree. We, as someone's child, did nothing to assure our birth. The men and women who give us a chance at life, be they good or bad parents,should become stars of the occasion. How bright those stars shine depends upon your experience, your ability to love and knowing you're a child who is loved. If your parents didn't love you; your love for yourself will be your life preserver. Think about it the next time your birthday comes up on the calendar.

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