by Stephanie Costello

Created on: May 17, 2009

I have cats and I know that I'm fast becoming the crazy cat lady. In fact, I am certain that I'm at least three quarters of the way there. Everybody else has been accusing me for years of being an eccentric when it comes to my animals but I used to shrug it off. Now it's getting much harder to ignore. See for yourself.

I think the first horrifying clue came the other day when I realized my cats have better dishware than I do. I don't know exactly when this happened but I'm oddly okay with it. If you're eating off plastic and your cats have dishes than can actually break if you drop them, you might be a crazy cat lady.

Over the years (and many felines) I have had cats named Gary, Steve, Henry and Gilbert. My kids however, are nicknamed T-bone, ReeRee and Shortney. I call my grandbaby my little Zobot. If your cats have better names than your children, you might be a crazy cat lady.

My cats know how to open doors and cupboards and beg to go outside. They scratch the door to come back in and they tell me when they are out of food and water. My ex husband couldn't even take out the garbage. If your cats are trained better than your spouse, you might be a crazy cat lady. (Or your spouse might be a dog)

Gary, my beloved gray cat wakes me up promptly at seven in the morning every single day of my life. I don't even set an alarm clock anymore. In fact, I've had alarm clocks that let me down because they didn't go off when they were supposed to. If you trust your cat to get you up for work more than you trust your alarm clock, you might be a crazy cat lady.

I don't have one cat, or two, or even three. I have four cats. And the reason I have four cats is because two of the previous six disappeared into the desert night two weeks ago and never returned. In my lifetime I can honestly say I have adopted at least 40 cats. If you have more than two cats, you might be a crazy cat lady.

Sometimes the cats run out of food and I'm too busy to go to the store because I have a deadline to meet, or a hangover I'm nursing after only two beers, or I'm just plain too lazy. In this instance, I boil a few boneless, skinless chicken breasts until they are tender. I cool them down and chop them up into tiny bites and feed them to the kitties. While the chicken is cooking, I make myself a bologna sandwich. If the cat's lunch is more expensive than yours, you might be a crazy cat lady.

I may be too far-gone for help. I suppose I could seek therapy, but then I wouldn't have enough money to feed my cats and buy them fine china. So I guess I'll just carry on, business as usual. Excuse me; I think I see a stray....

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