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into our living room and instigate one of my husband's asthma attacks.

We had to call the police a few times at 3 o'clock in the morning because the noise was so unbearable and we both had to work early. Other times, when the noise got too loud, we either called out through the bathroom window or went over and banged on the door. When we would politely ask that they keep it down, they always acted as though it was us being rude and inconveniencing them, and not the other way around. That particular neighbor slammed the door in our faces on more than one occasion.

As with the neighbor on the left, we tried to avoid the neighbors on our right.

The neighbors across the street were also weird. Every morning when we looked out our bay window, we were welcomed by Christmas. The neighbors directly in front of us displayed a Christmas tree all year round in their own identical bay window. As would be expected, they also kept Christmas lights up at all times. It wasn't in memorial of some tragic event either. Like the ditch-digger, who just really liked digging ditches, the neighbors across the street just really liked Christmas.

The man was known as Santa and when he greeted people, instead of saying, Hello, how are you? he said, Merry Christmas and have a happy day. He liked to prance around in a Santa Claus costume and when he did not grow his own beard he would wear a fake one.

His wife was known as Mrs. Claus and walked around in what can only be described as a merry Mrs. Ho stripper costume. This was not, however, as provocative as it might sound. She was about 80 pounds overweight and was usually intoxicated to some degree. She was not a very pretty drunk.

Beside the Christmas house lived a 58-year-old bachelor named Norman, but everyone referred to him as Holly Wood. Norman was a larger than life alcoholic who loved the spotlight. He drove a 1977 Cadillac Coupe deVille, a huge boat of a car that he could never quite get into his driveway. Some part of it always ended up on the front lawn, but Norman never seemed to notice.

He was often heard bragging about what a great driver he was. In fact, Norman loved to brag and talk about himself a lot and was quite conceited about his looks too.

Not only was Norman enamored with himself, but he was also stuck in one of those fashion time warps that are the stuff of reality TV shows. He wore form-fitting Levis, cowboy boots, ripped v-neck muscle shirts and tight leather jackets. He had an earring in his left ear

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