by Nel Chong

Created on: May 17, 2009

Live to talk or talk to live? There is a difference between a person who expresses his or her feelings or thoughts, willing someone to acknowlege her existence, to respond to those feelings or thoughts and to someone who just went on expressing without expecting any reaction from the listener. The first scenario would lead to a communication, the latter, probably not.

Once we break down the chain of interaction, there are only two types of beings here; the listener and the speaker. Be it we are the listener or speaker, our whole being is the tool of communication. From the way we look at someone from the corner of our eyes or directly, to the tilt of our lips. From the way we fold our arms while talking, to loosely putting them at our sides. From the way we speak monotonously to bright and chirpy. All these and more, are the catalysts to either poor or good effective communication.

We might ask: why should we bother at all? Is effective communication that important? In this case, let us ask ourselves this: would it bother you if you board on a train going towards east when in actual fact you want to go to the west? It is the same when we order a medium done steak but served a rare. Miscommunication results in unhappiness, frustrations, undue waste of time and energy plus various other emotions. So why should we put ourselves in such a situation if we could avoid it?

What is communication? It is definitely not just words alone. It is a total package of ourselves. How we dress, look, speak, walk, and even think. In short, how we present ourselves to the world, is the beginning of communicating. How the other party who perceive, understand and response in kind, is the result of communication.

A financial planner would never dress shabbily when visiting clients or doing their sales pitch. Neither would they speak rudely or talk endlessly without asking questions or pause to listen attentively to their clients. It is always interesting to observe how they would pitch stories to their clients to garner their attention and reaction. In turn, the clients who turn listeners at this stage became more engaging and receptive to their would be financial planner after the stories.

Why? Most probably the 'story-teller' is being animated, sympathetic, understanding and sincere. And most probably, it hit a certain chord with the listener. That, is communication. The speaker conveyed his message via a channel called 'story' and the listener listens, understand and reciprocate his or her reactions later on.

Effective communication come in these basic forms. Body language, personal grooming and tone of voice. And the golden rule? To listen and to ask. Without listening attentively, we would not understand the other party. Without asking, there is no communication. And please, do not ask for the sake of asking. There should always be a purpose when we are asking someone something. Also, do not listen to only what we want to listen. Ask questions when in doubt and not to assume.

Live to talk, satisfy ourselves and would always be confined to our own world. Talk to live, and we would broaden our horizons and new things and experiences would come. Which would you choose?

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