by Todd Daigneault

Created on: May 16, 2009

This is a hard topic, either way, due to the divisiveness and polarization in our society over marriage. But as the 21st century progresses, and with the existing high divorce rate and the growing phenomenon known as "starter marriages", it is certainly not frowned upon not to be married before the children are born. Having children does not magically sanctify the existing relationship into something holier, more pious, more sanctified that a couple has to be married. In our more liberated, freer society, we have choices. Children borne out of quote, unquote 'wedlock' don't carry the stigma of being "bastards" and "illegitimate." Horrible phrases that belong to a less kinder, less evolved time.

They are not viewed as "love children" either. After all, marriage is just part of an ancient ritual joining two people together in wedlock and marriage, starting with the gods, going to the singular god and the state. People can certainly be married before their children are born. But they don't have to...It doesn't mean they won't...but they have options they didn't have at one time. The Bible and sin is not thrust down their throats anymore; terrible hellfire and damnation awaiting them. It just means they can make their own minds up.

In an era, ironically beset by the loss of some freedoms, sexual and reproductive freedoms continue to grow and gain strength along the way. Many women go to sperm banks and use donors to have babies-without marriage. This just helps to exemplify these freedoms. Lesbian couples, single women and even married couples use donated sperm to conceive and have their children. Barely anybody blinks an eye at that anymore. There are many free sperm donating/receiving groups on the Internet that help such people looking to conceive-many without the blessing and connotations of hetrosexual marriage.

In a less uptight society, we definitely have choices, be us man or woman. Also, it must be understood that just because a woman wants to have a child with her partner does not mean that she should be married to the partner. Also, many women are in abusive relationships and may become pregnant. Marrying that partner may be the worst thing to do-perpetuating abuse to not only her but her child. There also many who become married and have their children and are absolutely miserable, tied to a partner in a loveless marriage, yearning for the day that they are divorced.

Marriage should be for the right reasons, not necessarily before children are born. A solemn ceremony between a couple can be a wonderful, beautiful and very spiritual thing, carrying on from our very pagan times. But it definitely has to be for the right reasons. Also, being a parent is a wonderful and beautiful experience. But the two things: marriage and children don't have to be necessarily linked, unless the couple involved wants it to.

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