by Veronica Bright

Created on: May 15, 2009

Drinking has affected my past, it is affecting my present and most likely will affect my future. Both of my parents were alcoholics and I was their youngest child. I know the guilt that was forced on me, the horror when I realized that is not how "normal" families were and yet loved my parents beyond belief

Somehow, I did not become an alcoholic but two of my three sisters did. I never really cared for the taste of alcohol. Now, my oldest daughter, 22, is an alcoholic. She has lived with me for over 2 years with her 2 year old daughter and 1 year old son and I adore all of them. Now, she is 8 months pregnant with baby number 3 and has been drinking heavily throughout the pregnancy. Of course (I know the routine) everything is my fault, including the fact that CPS is involved. She took the kids and left. I have not spoken to her since. Once again my entire world has been turned upside down because of drinking.

I now reflect on how drinking has affected my entire life and I am not even a drinker! My entire life has been taking on the burden of guilt for those that I love who do drink. I'm one of those people who says "I'm sorry" when someone bumps into me! I wonder how people can even deny they have a problem drinking. If you can take the booze and dump it down the sink and not react then you may not have a problem but if this causes you distress then it may be time to get help. Try looking from the outside-in. Yes, it is hard to do but if you have any love at all for your family, you will do this.

With my parents I did not know better but with my daughter, I do. I refuse to accept responsibility for her drinking. I gave birth to this beautiful girl and the woman she is now is NOT the same one I raised. She alone must accept the burden of responsibility although I would go to my death if there were anything I could do to help her. She has to stop drinking, denying and hurting everyone who cares about her. All I can do is support her if she does seek help. I live with the hurt of not seeing my grand children who have lived here since they were born and also knowing she is giving the unborn baby up.

While the person who drinks wallows in self-pity it is everyone around them that truly suffers. Although I cannot say I understand what it is to be an alcoholic, I am all too aware of how drinking affects families and loved ones. Alcohol has made my life hell and I won't drink to ease the pain.

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