by P. Payne

Created on: May 15, 2009

Sleeping like a log, as the old saying goes, is an art form I used to have down to a science. Not that I used science to develop my sleep habit it came naturally.

Growing up, I had my parents to wake me up for school. But when I married, my husband didn't hear alarm clocks either. We had a problem, but we managed. We settled on a clock radio to wake us up, even though it sometimes took a while for the music to penetrate our sleep-fogged brains. My brother, on leave from the Navy, once came to visit.

How do you guys keep a job? he asked one morning.

What do you mean? I replied. We go to work every day.

I just wondered how many days you were late because you didn't get up, he said. That alarm has been going off for half an hour.

You would think after the babies came that it would have been easier. But it wasn't. Changing diapers and feeding babies in my sleep didn't change the alarm clock problem. Years later, my family lived in a small village-like community a rural highway passed through. Our house was across the street from an old family grocery store and gas station owned by my father's friends. The family lived in part of the store. The kids went there to spend whatever money they managed to accumulate. One morning, my dad was talking to one of the owners and asked whether the kids were a bother. The owner replied, No, but there is one problem. Their alarm clock wakes us up every morning about 5 a.m. Do you think you could ask them to turn it down?

Yes, we had the volume up loud, hoping it would filter through the sleep and bring us to consciousness in time for work and school. But it didn't occur to me the whole neighborhood was tuned in to our alarm. At least they didn't complain that it was country music.

As time passed, my oldest daughter took over the job of alarm clock. Even as a baby, she was the one child of five who was wide-awake and raring to go at 5 a.m. It was the only flaw in the petite little doll's makeup. As a teenager, she did her best to throw the other kids out of bed, but would invariably give up, come downstairs and shake me.

You're going to have to go make them get up, she would say, totally frustrated. They won't listen to me!

Is my coffee ready? I would ask, then proceed upstairs to roust out the troops.

The kids are all gone, and over time, my life and sleep habits have changed. I still sleep very soundly most of the time, but now that I'm getting older, I stay up later and get up earlier. Since I'm alone now, the alarm clock is my responsibility.

I still use a clock radio, but now it's really a cd alarm clock. It has Alarm 1 and Alarm 2. Alarm 1 is set for 5:45, and Alarm 2 is set for 6:15. But I have now introduced a new element to the system. My cell phone alarm.

The cell phone sits on my nightstand every night. It has a wake-up alarm, Alarm 1, and Alarm 2. It is the most obnoxious tone I have ever heard. There is no way that sound would not penetrate the sleep barrier. So now I have insurance. If the cd alarms don't wake me up, or the power goes off, I have the cell phone. It is set to ring Monday through Friday at 5:45, 6 a.m., 6:30, and 7:20, just in case. But now I really don't need it. I retired.

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