by Sandra Elizabeth

Created on: May 15, 2009

This may not be the most popular answer but you can rest assure it's the most honest one. Though we would like to believe that the truest form of love is beautiful and unconditional, the truth is that unless the other person is totally helpless (with their lives more or less depending on it), love is all about what the other person can do for you (period).

As soon as they stop doing, whatever it is you love about them, your love for them stops too. Now, one could argue the point of infancy in attempts to dispute that fact, as infants certainly can't do anything for parents (except maybe keep them awake all night with their crying) but parents love them anyway because that's what love is all about, it's unconditional and they give it with all their hearts. To which I would have to counter with the following; infants fall under the category of "helpless" (as do the mentally challenged and the elderly) and to reiterate, unconditional love is something extended to those who are powerless over their own lives. For everyone else, conditions start applying right after they learn to speak. For instance (well after mastering speech), a five-year-old child (usually) reprimanded when he/she acts in a manner believed to be of an inappropriate one, is loved yes but is he/she unconditionally loved?

In understanding the need for childhood discipline, my attempt is not to convey that there shouldn't be any but rather to question the reprimand itself. Each scolded (for one thing or another) since we hit the age of a toddler, does not mean that the person in authority did not love us; it just means that their love came with certain conditions once we were able to take care of ourselves. It really hits home in the pre-teen/teen years. Infants, once totally dependent, are not anymore and conditions in the cup of love runneth over. How many independent people (offspring and strangers alike) continue to receive love, after they rob you? More over, obviously they don't love you very much if they steal from you, so; how many people continue to receive love, when love is not shown?

The conditions for love run rampant. You can say as a parent, a caregiver or a spouse, that you love so-and-so unconditionally but if so-and-so hates your guts, if he or she spits on you every time you walk into the room, if they punch you and call you filthy dirty names on a day-to-day basis, would you love them? Would you love them if they made you cry, instead of laugh? Would you love them if they weren't funny, didn't have all that money or never wore deodorant? Think about why you love somebody and then pretend they didn't possess certain things anymore, then ask yourself, is it them you love or their qualities?

Love, based on conditions, is not what love is all about and anyone who tells you they love somebody unconditionally is a liar (again, unless that other person is totally dependent on them for survival). What love is all about, what it's truly all about, is tolerance and forgiveness. When you can forgive someone who loses all their money or overlook the fact that he/she stinks to high heaven and love them anyway, you will have found love. Until then, the only thing love is all about (for you), is you.

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