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Satire: Technology

by Joe Brooks

On the ordinary human's love for pain, or; why won't they read the FAQ's, anyway? With a secondary consideration of why rats are still with us, despite millennia of our efforts at eradication, and may remain after we are gone.

Scenario One:

Human A approaches a device, setup, or gizmo. Human A decides to give it a try.

Human A: Hmmm... Never saw one like this before.

I wonder... Zzzzzzt!

Wow! What the... Zzzzzzzzt!

C'mon now, it's just a... Zzzzzzt!

Owwww!

Human A sees Human B walking by. Human A calls out to Human B.

Hey! Take a look at this thing. There's like a button here, and when you... Zzzzzzzt!

Human B: Really? I had one like that once, and... Zzzzzzzt!

Wait a minute; I remember now, you just... Zzzzzzzzzt!

No, that wasn't it. It was the other way... Zzzzzzzt!

Owwww!

Human C approaches, is flagged down by A and B.

Humans A and B explain their problems.

Human C examines the device, points to an inscription above the button:

Warning! Do not touch! Electric shock hazard!

Human C then points out another sign below the device:

For safe maintenance, disable this device by pulling lever. (arrow points to lever)

Human C nods to A and B, continues on his way.

Human A: Who has time to read all that? All I wanted was to ... Zzzzzzzt!

Human B: Yeah! I've been working with these since I was a kid, and... Zzzzzzt!

Human A and Human B: Owwww!

Scenario Two:

Rat A: I see an unknown. I will examine it... Zzzzzzt!

After backing off and observing for a considerable time, Rat A approaches the device cautiously, whiskers extended, alert and ready to flee... zzz...

Rat A: Here is danger without reward. I will avoid it.

Rat A bypasses the device, sees a second unknown object.

Approaching with caution, Rat A extends whiskers, lightly brushes object.

Encouraged by lack of negative consequences, and smelling food nearby, Rat A pushes gently on the object with his nose.

Click - chunk, a greenish pellet drops out of an aperture.

Rat A: Ah, a food pellet! I will enjoy it.

Rat A continues pushing and consuming until satiated.

Rat B, a female, approaches.

Rat A assumes non-threatening posture, indicates readiness to share food and socialize.

Rat B, assured by A's posture and presence, seeks out device and feeds successfully.

With hunger satisfied, they mate.

Rat A continues journey through life, cautiously on the lookout for opportunity.

Rat B settles down near the food source to produce and raise a large family.

No doubt there will be a Rat C along in due time.

So now, have we learned anything by reading this story, Humans?

Zzzzzzzzt!

Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA