More often than not, when couples part ways, the bickering and fighting that took place during the union doesn't end with the breakup. In fact, finding a couple that is amicable, considerate and good-natured toward each other after a breakup can be a hard order to fill. Many times the hatchet is never buried and emotions are left unresolved. It is possible, however, to stop bickering with your ex and have a good relationship with him or her.

Though it's not easy sometimes, you must treat your ex in the same fashion you wish to be treated in by them. If you constantly find fault, use an abrasive tone when communicating or continue to control or demand things, you're about as likely to get as much cooperation from your ex as you would from a teenager who's been told they can't date a certain someone. Just like the teenager, your ex will become defensive and defiant. The trick to ending the bickering the two of you is to return their attempts at belittling or mocking you with kindness.

Have you ever heard the phrase 'You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar?' It's true. The most effective way to stop a verbally aggressive person dead in their tracks is to return their hostility with a kind and understanding word. Try it sometime.

The next time your ex calls and complains that you were 5 minutes late for picking up the kids for the weekend, instead of jumping on the bickering bandwagon, and stating every reason you can think of why you were late, and they have no reason to be so upset over something so trivial, say something along these lines. I'm real sorry I was late. I usually get there on time but this week was just one crisis after another. I apologize if I made you late or messed up your plans. I'll try real hard to be there on time next weekend. Now, what's the appropriate response to something like this? Well, it's certainly not a barrage of insults, complaints and negative innuendos. If they respond in a negative way, that makes them look like the bad guy, and you a saint.

You see, you can only bicker with someone if you choose to. They can try till the cows come home to push your buttons, but they can't argue with someone who won't argue back. It's as simple as that.

Right about now you're probably saying something like But, you don't know my ex! Your right, I don't know your ex. But, I've had an ex that made Attila the Hun look like Mother Teresa. He constantly tried to push my buttons and for many year, did. But, I soon realized that as long as I continued to buy into his rants I continued to feed the flames. So, one day, I buried the hatch.

He still grabs hold of that hatchet handle and tosses it in my general direction every now and then, hoping I'll buy into his emotional outbursts or his one-sided views of the way things are or should be. When he does, It doesn't take him long to figure out I'm not interested in bickering with him, and it's not long before he throws it back in the hole he pulled it out of.

Just as there is more than one way to skin a cat, there is more than one way to stop the bickering between you and your ex. This just happens to be one that works quit well for me and mine.

Learn more about this author, Cyndi Li.
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