by Janeen Elite

Created on: May 14, 2009

The Most Common Emotional and Grief Stages of Divorce.

Getting divorced is never easy. It is not just the legal and financial details you have to deal with, but also the emotions and grief that you might experience in the process.

While not everyone experiences the following stages to the same degree, there are some predictable ones that need to be recognized and worked through.

Shock and/or Denial Stage.

Even if you have been planning or thinking of getting a divorce for awhile - the final moment of truth can leave you feeling shocked and surprised at the unexpected feelings that suddenly arise.

You may suddenly experience extreme fear or regret. You might even find yourself sorry that the subject of divorce ever came up because a part of you wants more than anything for your spouse to simply walk through the door tonight and have everything be "normal" so you won't have to "deal" with all of this. (This is part of the denial phase as well.)

You need to understand that this is a normal reaction and it will fade in time. It is also important to remember however that this may not be the time to make any major promises, deals or to sign any legal papers until you are thinking clearer.

Divorce is a big emotional step. Sometimes it is even more emotionally charged than you anticipated it would be. So, if at all possible, try and give yourself some time to let yourself adjust to the idea that this is really going to happen.

Guilt Stage.

Guilt is one of the stronger emotions that people experience and one of the tougher to get through. It could be guilt about the children, guilt that divorce is against your religious beliefs, guilt that maybe you didn't do enough to make it work.

If you are the person who wants out of the relationship, it could be guilt about what you are inflicting on your partner and if you are the one who is being "left" you can be experiencing the guilt of "if only I had done this differently".

If you are unable to work through these feelings on your own, it might be a good idea to visit a counselor. Talking to close family and friends who are on your side might also be helpful in making you feel better as they will help you to see things more clearly. But if you find these feelings are strong enough to prevent you from moving on in your life, a professional counselor is probably the way to go. It can make a world of difference in how you deal with your new future.

Anger Stage.

After dealing with the initial shock and the

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