by Janeen Elite

Created on: May 14, 2009

It is not easy telling your children you are about to get divorced. But if you and your spouse agree to work on it together you can make the announcement and the transition much easier for them.

Here are some tips on how and when to tell your children that you are separating.

Tell Them Together

It would be best for your children's sake if you and your spouse both sat them down and told them together. While it is O.K. to show them that you are a little sad about the decision, it is important that both parents are able to keep their composure during the announcement without crying or anger.

Your children need reassurance at this time and even though they will probably not be happy to hear the announcement, they will at least feel better when both parents calmly indicate that they will still be safe, loved and cared for by both of you in the future.

Don't let them hear the news from someone else.

There is a fine line you need to walk when deciding the best time to tell your children your decision. Sometimes you may need to wait until you have adjusted to the idea enough yourself to be calm when talking with them; other times you might need to wait while details are being hammered out as to where and with whom they are going to live.

If you are delaying your conversation for either of these reasons, be very careful who else is aware of what is going on. It is not a good idea for your child or children to overhear someone else talking about your separation because it can leave them frightened, confused and unsure about what it will mean for them personally.

If you have told any friends or family members about your decision, make it very clear that your child doesn't know yet and that the adults must be very careful about what they say and who they say it around.

Make sure that you both reassure them that the separation is not in any way their fault.

Quite often children mistakenly believe that the divorce might be due to their behavior or something that they have done wrong. It is very important that they know that this is between mom and dad and has absolutely nothing to do with anything they have done. Be very reassuring that both you and your spouse consider them your ultimate priority and that you both love them more than life itself.

Stress to them that the love between parents and children are forever.

Another common misconception that children often have is believing that if parents can fall out of love and leave each other, than

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