by Corinne Bernat

Created on: May 14, 2009   Last Updated: May 20, 2009

Trading in your personality for a relationship is a risky swap that could leave you with the lemon; a partner who lacks the necessary skills, pluck or motivation to accept you as you are.

That's not to say that compromise isn't necessary, many times it is, but if your relationship requires that you make such an extreme make-over to your authentic self, that's bad news, and probably hurtful.

Consider finding someone more suitable for whom you are.

That will save you the constant pressure of trying to fit into a partnership that is focusing on your perceived short-comings.

Who Had the Big Idea?

One of you decided that for whatever reason, you aren't good enough for this relationship. If it was them, they're unrealistic and impractical and those are very good reasons to leave. Naivety isn't something grown ups strive to be unless they're in court.

On the other hand, your partner could be just plain controlling and that kind of ogre-like disposition doesn't work in their favor either.

If it was you, however, that initiated this solution as a way to increase your desirability, then try to get on with you, no holds barred. Perhaps after taking a good, long look at yourself and the meaning you have in life, you'll find that you really like you. You might even end up loving you and becoming proud and more confident.

This new self confidence comes with a long list of perks, including choosing naturally suitable partners. You may feel that you don't have to exchange your true personality for a character role in your partner's life, after all.

It's Not Your Fault

If your relationship isn't what you hoped for, it may be a common case of incompatibility. Sometimes people just aren't in sync or they grow apart, so don't blame yourself.

It might be easy to mistake incompatibility with your minor personality defects; and we all have them, it's just that most people like us anyway.

Apparently your partner, however, does not.

The most important thing to understand is that a bright and worthy partner wouldn't accept such an extreme solution in order to elevate their personal level of desire for you. Admirable partners take the good with the bad; they're practical in love.

In any event, no relationship can be remedied with an identity switch, unless you're a superhero, and look at them; they're up to their pant-suits in drama and you don't need any more of that right now.

But if you find yourself with the option of trading in your personality for a relationship, pass on that one. There's no reason good enough to snuff out the essence of you.

Such an act would defeat your very purpose in the world; being authentically you for variety's sake at least. Furthermore, nobody likes a phony.

Always remember: your personality isn't negotiable but your choices in a partner are and you deserve to be deeply loved simply because you're you.

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