by christina christou

Created on: May 13, 2009

A marriage is a commitment between two people. A marriage is a contract made between these two people. Children within the marriage create a family where both the Father and Mother are important for the children. But when a marriage breaks down, when the love disappears the contract in effect has been breached.

Children need a stable loving environment to grow up happy and carefree. When the parents are constantly arguing and shouting at each other, this creates an unhealthy atmosphere for the couple and the children. In all relationships, especially in intimate relationships, there are disagreements and occasional arguments. If the arguments are constant and there is aggression and abuse, children can become very anxious and be on constant alert.

If the couple have decided to try to save their marriage then they have to find a way to contain their unhappiness with each other in front of the children. Children are not easily fooled though, they can see through falseness and this can be as stressful as the arguing. Staying together for the children means putting your differences and animosity aside and really making it work for them.

There are many reasons why a marriage is not working but if the only reason there is to save the marriage,are the children, it is not a good enough reason. What children need are both Mum and Dad happy and available both emotionally and physically to them. If there is a constant strain within the marriage, the children are unfortunately not the main focus.

If there has been an affair within the marriage there will be a lot of hurt feelings and angry feelings flying around. Even if the couple do not argue, anger can be felt,and seen through body language. Children, especially young children will be feeling your energy and will be projecting it back to you through their behaviour; tantrums, bed-wetting, tummy upsets.

For children to grow into stable, happy adults, they need a stable happy childhood. They learn about relationships through experiencing their parent's relationship. The way the Father and Mother interact with each other will have a huge influence on the children. A girl will learn that this is how men are supposed to be with a woman and how a woman should react. A boy will learn that this is how a man should be and expect women to react in the way their mother is reacting.

Children need the love from both their parents. If the couple really have the best interests of their children, then they can either find a way to resolve their differences, through couple counselling or through the spiritual practise of forgiveness, or any other means that helps. If this is not an option, the best thing that they can do for their children's emotional health, is to amicably separate. Proper visiting arrangements to see the children can be discussed and communication channels should be kept open for, even after the parents divorce, children still are affected by how their parents relate with each other.

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