by Bonniel Rostok

Created on: May 13, 2009   Last Updated: May 14, 2009

When I was somewhere around ten years old, I began sneaking into my father's porn collection. He didn't hide them. They were stacked in his nightstand, the latest issue always on top. My mom knew about them, I knew about them. Really, anyone who walked into my parents' bedroom would've known about them. A few years later, my little brother received the beginnings of his sexual education from my dad's collection that reached back into the '60's.

Sexuality was always a presence in my house while I was growing up. Whether it was my father's comments on various female body parts, his various and sundry crushes which he never hid, or the eventual burgeoning of my younger brother's adolescence, there was always a fair representation of male sexuality. What was missing was female sexuality. My information about myself was presented to me through the various lenses of the Playboys I viewed on the sly, television, or other sources that were, generally speaking, male dominated. No hard feelings; I loved perusing through dear dad's porn as a young lass. But even then, I had the sneaking suspicion that it was a one-sided story.

And frankly, as a woman pushing 40, I'm still a little confused. I'm thinking of the recent hullabaloo over Carrie Prejean's topless photos. Of course, anyone who knows his or her Penthouse history should be reminded of the Vanessa Williams scandal. The lovely Vanessa was caught and photographed in compromising positions with another woman. She was subsequently stripped of her Miss America title, earned Penthouse $14 million, and became successful above and beyond what a yearlong reign as Miss America could offer her. After the press coverage and the lawsuits died down, her response was "the best revenge is success." It is important to note that the photos were allegedly published without her consent, which is what prompted the lawsuit. However, even if permission had been granted, what, exactly, does the public's and the beauty pageant industry's response to nude photographs of their chosen ones mean? The response to Prejean's exposure has ranged from a there, there, that's okay, dear; you can still be Miss California, to being called a bitch, to having suspicious eyes cast on her morality. Williams, while receiving a standing ovation from the men who purchased that particular issue of Penthouse, was simultaneously referred to as a slut by the public at large.

What, exactly, is the difference between a Miss America Pageant and Victoria's Secret,

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