by Sandra Elizabeth

Created on: May 13, 2009

Manners have not been lost in our contemporary age; less people have them but not because they've lost them, they don't have them because they never had them to begin with. (You can't lose something you never had in the first place.) Manners are not lost; they're just scarce.

You acquire manners through lessons. Whether educated by your mother as a toddler or by an etiquette teacher as an adult, manners are learned. For example, if no one has ever told you that it was bad manners to interrupt others while they were speaking (to you), it's not. You may feel like what you have to say is far more important than what the others are discussing between themselves and just barge right in on their conversation, feeling perfectly justified. You have not lost your manners; you never had them.

Even if someone has tried to teach you some, their attempts don't automatically bestow manners upon you. For example, if it was taught (on several occasions) that it is indeed bad manners to interrupt others while they're speaking and you choose to do so anyway; you have not learned your lesson. You either chose not to listen to it or you chose to ignore its teachings, either way (and again) you have not lost your manners; you never learned them.

No, manners cannot be lost, only taught. Either teachers aren't teaching them anymore or nobody's listening to the teachers. It really doesn't matter whether the blame lies with the teachers or with the students. In fact, blame should be thrown right out the window (in all cases), as it never helps, in any situation. The point is that bad manners beget bad manners and things are getting worse. We, as a society, are obviously in need of a lot more teachers and could equally use the help of more willing students.

They certainly aren't what they used to be and that has to be the understatement of the year but instead of posing the question, "Where are your manners?" we should just mind our own. Maybe some will rub off on those that don't have any, inadvertently. We just (with a little courtesy) may teach someone to have a little courtesy. If they're not willing to learn, move on to the next. There are billions of people out there; those people are the ones we should be looking for, not their manners. Stop looking for manners and start searching for pupils willing to learn manners because we, as a society, could use all the help we can get.

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