by Terry Marsh

Created on: May 13, 2009

Forgiveness is one of the greatest tenants of compassion. Like charity, and sharing, forgiveness contributes to a spiritual cleansing essential to the emotional well being of the inner self, or soul. But even the most compassionate soul struggles with forgiving some transgressions, especially when they violate us personally, or have a direct effect on us individually.

How do you forgive the unforgivable? Forgiveness is a release, freeing us of spiritual and emotional baggage associated with offensive actions committed against us. Adultery, abuse, dishonesty, and emotional abandonment are all violations which people find difficult to forgive. But holding on to the memory of such actions could create permanent psychological scarring, and affect the healthy possibilities of future relationships.

Learning to Forgive

Learning to forgive begins with acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that we have to accept the negative actions of others towards us, but rather that their actions do not define who we are as individuals. Strong individuals rise above life's calamities and continue striving towards personal objectives. To do so, it is necessary to remove any emotional baggage restricting forward movement. Focusing on the past does not allow us to focus on the future.

Understanding is also an important to the healing process of forgiveness. Learning to forgive does not mean that we necessarily forget the transgressions against us. It only means that we've come to the understanding that whatever has happened has happened, and that little can be done to take it back. We also understand that that the experience has contributed to our growth. We become more aware of similar situations, and learn to avoid them in the future.

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Forgiving unforgivable acts against us is never easy. Unforgivable actions are those which we place the highest value on, and are a violation of the trust that we extend to hose close enough to commit them. They can cause tremendous physical and emotional pain, also cripple future prospects of the relationship. Forgiveness enables us to put the violation behind us, though the effects may have longer lasting implications.

The best way to forgive such an action is to realize that it has occurred, that it is over, and that it must never happen again. We must not allow our lives to become paralyzed with the fear that the action may be repeated. Instead, we need to know that with forgiveness comes healing, and that we may also need to separate ourselves from the violator in order to heal completely.

Moving Forward

Forgiveness does not mean that we must live dangerously under the prospect of continued hurt or harm. It only means that we no longer empower the actions or incidents of the violator to hold any control in our lives. Forgiving unforgivable actions frees us to live life on our own terms. It may also awaken us to the fact that the person who injured us, may not be mentally or emotionally healthy for us.

Forgiving the unforgivable sometimes means that we mus dig deeper into our hearts for compassion. But, as we forgive, we learn to let go of the pain, fear, hopelessness, helplessness, and individuals who no longer fit into the positive prognosis of our future. It allows us to move forward, leaving all negative baggage behind.

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