Rude people are a fact of life, and at times, we ourselves find we are the cause of that. Of course, those who carry out a rude lifestyle or those who deal with various people more frequently will be more subject to encountering those that they believe are rude. Regardless of the circumstance, there are several things we can do to deal with rudeness.
The first thing that a person should check is their own attitude. At times, we commit mistakes in etiquette without intending to do so-burping at the table, for instance. What makes it rude is when we refuse to acknowledge the social taboo and make amends for it. To burp without saying "excuse me" (at least in American culture) is generally considered rude, especially in public.
In a more severe situation, we may be having a horrible day due to some outside influence (the death of a loved one, for example). Often, we forget that others cannot read our minds, so they don't know why we are grouchy or inconsiderate. Of course, going through such circumstances does not make rude behavior acceptable, but it does make it understandable. When a person checks their attitude first, they may be more considerate toward others and say, "I'm sorry if I seem rude, but I'm having a bad day." Within tightly-knit circles, such statements can be opportunities for friends to talk over their concerns, and-in religious groups-pray over them if need be.
The more common concern among folks is how to handle someone who is rude to you. Four years of customer service will introduce a person to plenty of rude people, and give them a great deal of practice in conflict resolution. Of course, common sense and courtesy are key: if you don't treat others well to begin with, expect that you'll receive rudeness in return. However, sometimes you can treat someone with all the kindness and respect in the world, and they will still treat you as if you slapped them in the face.
First off, realize that you cannot please everyone, so the last thing you need to do is get "bent out of shape". Keep your voice calm, your body relaxed, take a deep breath, and choose your words carefully. A situation can escalate just based on how you are perceived at that moment, so you want to be as non-hostile as possible. However, if you act as a complete "pushover", that person may continue to think that they can get away with their rude behavior.
The process for conflict resolution is described in many different acronyms and systems, but it basically amounts to the idea of good communication. The first part of communication is simply to listen interactively. If you are dealing with the rude person face-to-face, simply maintain calm eye contact, with a neutral face. As hard as it may be, do not let your facial expression give away any thought or feeling other than "I'm paying attention". A few subtle nods when (and if) they pause will do the trick.
After you have listened to what the person has to say, it goes a long way with folks if you apologize. True, the situation may not be your fault, and there may be nothing you can do about it at that moment, but simply apologizing will help. Of course, you have to have something to apologize for, so something to the effect of "I'm sorry you're upset" or "I'm sorry this happened to you" (put in your own words, of course) will work just fine.
After you've listened to the person and apologized for the situation, do something about it. If you are wrong and the person is rude in correcting you, tell them you are sorry you made a mistake and will do what you can to correct yourself (if action is required). Admitting you made a mistake is easier than fighting when you know you are wrong. If the situation is "out of your hands" and you personally can't do anything about it, explain that to them. The more information a person has about something, the more comfortable they are with it. Tell them exactly what action you'll take, do it right there if you can, and then (here's the kicker) thank them.
Yes, you read that correctly: thank the rude person for bringing it to your attention. Often, rude people will be surprised that you thanked them, and (at the very least) will quit being rude. Sometimes, if you start the conversation by empathizing with them, their rudeness will subside very quickly. Generally, however, the idea is to get that person out of your way as quickly as possible. This is especially true if it is a customer at a business. Yes, it hurts business if every customer is rude and leaves in a huff, but if you treat clientele with respect, chances are that rude people will be rarer, and losing a few won't be that detrimental. It requires the employee to be somewhat of a pushover (from some points of view), but it is the quickest way to remove that rude customer from the business and still (hopefully) keep the customer for future, more pleasant encounters.
If the person in question is being rude in a more passive manner (i.e., talking loudly on a cell phone in a library), often there are people in positions of authority that can handle those matters diplomatically. If you are bothered by someone in the library talking on their cell phone, a quick whisper to a librarian will usually take care of the problem. If the librarian refuses to handle the situation for fear of confrontation, just remember that if you are going to confront the rude person, correct them in the manner in which you would want them to correct you. Kindly take them aside and say, "Excuse me, but I'm having trouble concentrating while you're on your cell phone. Would you mind stepping to a more solitary area?" As subtle as it is, even looking up from whatever it is you're doing, catching that person's eye (without a mean look), and then returning to your endeavor is sometimes enough to make that person correct themselves.
In review, always maintain a good attitude. Don't take things personally if you don't really know the person, listen to what they have to say, sift through the rudeness to understand their point, apologize, solve the problem if you can, and thank them. In other situations, try to delegate the task of confrontation to a person with a little more authority or clout. If all else fails, sometimes you just have to shrug rude people off, bite your tongue, and let life teach them a lesson when they are alone in life due to their rudeness. Whatever you do, make sure you are personally responsible for yourself.