by Robert Killam

Created on: May 13, 2009

Rude people are a fact of life, and at times, we ourselves find we are the cause of that. Of course, those who carry out a rude lifestyle or those who deal with various people more frequently will be more subject to encountering those that they believe are rude. Regardless of the circumstance, there are several things we can do to deal with rudeness.

The first thing that a person should check is their own attitude. At times, we commit mistakes in etiquette without intending to do so-burping at the table, for instance. What makes it rude is when we refuse to acknowledge the social taboo and make amends for it. To burp without saying "excuse me" (at least in American culture) is generally considered rude, especially in public.

In a more severe situation, we may be having a horrible day due to some outside influence (the death of a loved one, for example). Often, we forget that others cannot read our minds, so they don't know why we are grouchy or inconsiderate. Of course, going through such circumstances does not make rude behavior acceptable, but it does make it understandable. When a person checks their attitude first, they may be more considerate toward others and say, "I'm sorry if I seem rude, but I'm having a bad day." Within tightly-knit circles, such statements can be opportunities for friends to talk over their concerns, and-in religious groups-pray over them if need be.

The more common concern among folks is how to handle someone who is rude to you. Four years of customer service will introduce a person to plenty of rude people, and give them a great deal of practice in conflict resolution. Of course, common sense and courtesy are key: if you don't treat others well to begin with, expect that you'll receive rudeness in return. However, sometimes you can treat someone with all the kindness and respect in the world, and they will still treat you as if you slapped them in the face.

First off, realize that you cannot please everyone, so the last thing you need to do is get "bent out of shape". Keep your voice calm, your body relaxed, take a deep breath, and choose your words carefully. A situation can escalate just based on how you are perceived at that moment, so you want to be as non-hostile as possible. However, if you act as a complete "pushover", that person may continue to think that they can get away with their rude behavior.

The process for conflict resolution is described in many different acronyms and systems, but it basically

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