by Gauri Trivedi

Created on: May 13, 2009

Mine, Mine, Mine. That seems to my toddler's favorite word these days. Most of the humans are by nature possessive and children even more so. It is a basic instinct to protect what you have; children are therefore more possessive than adults. Sharing is not a basic nature, we are not born with the will to share, it has to be taught.

But sharing is important. Children may not be born with that trait but they need to learn it.

Reassurance

The first thing you need to do is explain to the child what sharing is. One of the reasons a child refuses to share is because of the insecurity of losing that possession. That possession maybe a toy, a cookie or maybe Mommy! So the first step is to reassure. Explain it to the child that she is not going to lose the thing just by sharing. By way of a practical example let the child experience that sharing does not mean giving up your possession forever. It is letting somebody else enjoy it too.

Reason

What happens when your child makes a grab for your pen? Your immediate reaction is to say don't take that, it's mine! A clear distinction must be made about why a child is supposed to have or not have something. If you want to say no to anything, put it in a way that doesn't discourage sharing. Say this is not good for you, you can't have it. Other things that you can let her have, explain how it is mommy's pen but she is happy to share it with you.

Socialize

If your child is not used to being around other children, the process of sharing will be even tougher. Surroundings and exposure make a lot of difference. Children learn more from other children than adults. The behavior of their peers influences them a lot. It is a good idea to participate with your child in play dates with other children. It is a healthy way for your child to interact with other children and adults and improve social skills.

Repercussions

At an appropriate age, a child needs to learn the repercussions of not sharing. Most children are unwilling to share their own possession but more than happy to make a grab for their friend's or sibling's stuff. Show your child by example what happens if you or her friends don't share things with her. Let her experience for herself how left out it feels like when things are not shared.

Kindness

Let your child not think that sharing is always an exchange offer. You don't always share for a return expectation. To share is to be friendly and accommodative. It also means to be kind. Share food, share toys, share belongings, teach your child to share joys and possessions. Small gestures can mean and convey a lot.

Children are innocent and that is what makes them hold on to things so much. As adults and parents we have gently teach them to let go. Slowly we have to make them realize how sharing can benefit them as much as the receiver.

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