by Dale Wallace

Created on: May 12, 2009   Last Updated: May 15, 2009

It is unarguable that in schools across North America there is a problem with bullying, and students from kindergarten to grade twelve are the victims. It is true that bullying has probably existed for as long as humanity has existed, and it may never be completely stopped. Yet, it is important to take action today to lessen the problem.

In many articles written on bullying and many programs instituted to fix the problem there is one glaring error: it is the fact that for both the perpetrator and the victim, bullying is predominately a family issue and not so much an issue of the individual child.

At the core of every child there is basic goodness, and this point has been argued over and over again by such personality theorists like Carl Rogers and Erik Erikson. Therefore, children do not come to school with the goal of becoming a bully. Rather it is incidents that happen in children's lives that make them turn to bullying.

Because bullying usually occurs at schools, schools have developed strategies and programs to stop bullying. Traditionally, programs have emphasized counselling and educating bullies and also punishing them to resolve the problem. Yet, bullies go home and any good work done by a school can literally be erased in about ten seconds with one comment from an influential parent.

If children receive the advice to punch first, then they are bullies. As well, if children receive derogatory put-downs at home, they are more likely to bully others.

What must be realized is that bullying is a symptom of a larger problem. Therefore, a new model of family systems therapy needs to be used to address the bullying problem. Something in the dynamics and communication of the family is the problem; therefore, the problem with never be fixed if only or predominantly the child is counselled. The participation of the parents and other family members is needed, and only then will the true problems discovered and workable solutions be found.

As well, the bullied child can never be ignored. The bullied child's family needs as much support and skill development to solve the problem as the child.

Children who are bullied are often (but not always) shy, unassertive, and lacking in social skills. Bullies see them as an easy target, and thus they become an easy victim of a bully. Just as with the bully's family, work needs to be done to help the family of the victim to develop the skills the child needs to stop the bullying. If a child has problems with shyness, assertiveness, and social skills they will repeatedly become the victim of bullies their entire school years. Plus, they could go off to adulthood and still have difficulties because their problems were never addressed.

Family systems therapy is no easy or quick fix; it takes an honest and real commitment by all parties involved in bulling. We need to see schools, parents, and governments commit to the time and money that it takes to solve the root causes of bullying. Our children deserve our best efforts in this area.

As a society we should be proud of the work that has been done thus far to recognize and stop the bullying problem. Yet there is more and better work to be done. We can never be satisfied when children are bullied. However, we can look to modern and progressive counselling and therapeutic techniques to help the perpetrators, the victims, and their families.

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