The perfect day to show the perfect woman that you perfectly care. Now that's too much perfection in just one sentence. So let's tone it down for a more realistic Mother's day celebration. The easiest way to please Mum is to give her a break from mundane daily chores. So here's how you do it, to perfection!
Step 1 - Start the day with a punch - Coffee!
You open the cupboard and look for the coffee-maker. Oh no! It isn't there. Rummage through the shelf again. No luck? Oh, remember... Mum doesn't keep it 'inside' the cupboard! It's got to be outside. What about the kitchen counter? Peep into the kitchen sink. Open the door of the dishwasher. Look even in the washing machine, if you please!
Anyway, as you curse Murphy and his Law, you suddenly have a brainwave. Why not try that fresh pack of Nescafe you bought recently... or was it last year? Never mind, it is better than having no coffee! Yeah, you spot it, don't you? Hidden like a little treasure, way behind the vintage pickle jars. Why does she do it? Hmm! Now, shake really well (the pack, I mean) and sense the crisp rustle of coffee powder. Can't hear it? Well then, open the pack. Oh mercy! It is as hard as a rock. Take the rock out anyway and soak it in a cup of hot water for about 15 minutes.
Step 2 - Toast with omelette - A simple, but sure-shot winner!
Open the fridge and take out two eggs. Gosh! One slipped....its falling... falling all the way to the ground... but there you go! Caught it just like a match-winning cricket ball! Well done! Has it messed your trousers a bit? Well, that is OK, I guess, considering you just saved yourself a lot of floor-cleaning now. Okay, take a saucepan, preferably non-stick, put it on the burner and light it. Parallely, chop up an onion. Yeah, I know your eyes are burning, but do be careful, or you'll end up adding some ladies fingers to it... he he! Sorry! Bad joke. OK, on a serious note. Chop half a tomato. And some coriander if you like...looks colourful and tastes good too. Crush some pepper pods. Add salt to taste. I wonder why they say that. It's obviously to taste! Duh!
Hey, is something burning? Is it... is it the saucepan? Oh, we forgot all about that! Yank it off the burner right away, and dump it under a flowing tap. Oh the steam! Now put the pan back on the job. Come on! You can do it! Break the eggs, add the chopped stuff to it, and beat it all up, with a vengeance! Once it gets a little frothy, and before the fumes from the job set off the fire alarm, pour the mixture into the pan. Oh my goodness! Why does it sputter venomously all over the place? What the hell is wrong now? O.k. know. The pan seems a little too hot. Phew... don't think we can do much now. So let's just finish this up, OK? Drizzle a teaspoon of oil all around the omelet. Turn a blind eye to the vicious black ring that's forming around the crust. I guess we can scrape that off later! Once cooked, turn. Hey, where are you going? I meant, turn the omelet, silly! Once that side is done too, slip it off onto a nice clean plate. Well, try to slip it. But if it is stuck, as it is most likely to, hunt down a wooden spatula and scrape it off the pan. The final result is a heap of broken bits and pieces in various shapes and sizes. Sigh! That is sad, indeed. Maybe Mum will think its scrambled eggs.
Step 2.a - Toast the bread. I won't elaborate on this, as its fairly simple. Take two slices and pop them into the toaster. Turn it on. Wait until it pops out. Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty. Something isn't right. The da* slice is stuck in one corner. Well, grab a fork and pull the slice out. And the other one too. Nothing's going well today, isn't it? Sigh!
Step 3 - The final Countdown - Presentation
Arrange the mug of coffee (please do wipe the stray drops that have made their way to the base), the heap of eggs and the burnt toast. Slide the newspaper and a little flower, if possible, and carry it to Mum.
Mum sees you first, walking all gingerly. Slowly, she notices the tray. Then, she discreetly examines the contents. While you examine her expression. Is she trying to stifle a laugh? Can't really say. She smiles nevertheless. There's no need for words at all. That's the bond between Mum and Child. She coughs. Suddenly her eyes water. She takes the tray from your arms and says, 'Its perfect, honey!'
Happy Mother's Day.
P.S: Life in its many imperfections, is still beautiful!