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You spend the first eighteen years of your life, trying to please your parents. Trying to live up to their expectations, and fulfill the dreams that they have for you. You try to be the best person you can be, in your parents eyes. Who you wanted to be is no longer important, as long as your parents are happy and proud of you.

Then you start dating, along comes another person that you are trying to please and be the best person in their eyes. You want them to see only the good part of you, and in time, you lose who you really are. Where is the person you really wanted to be, where is your true self? That person is gone, and you feel happy because you are making the love of your life happy, that is all that matters.

Then you get married and have children. You then become mom, and you really have no sense of self then. Your whole life is absorbed with making your children happy, there is no time for thoughts of self. You are happy just seeing the smiles on your children's faces. Life is great, everyone is happy, everyone but you.

So how do you find yourself? First of all, you need to make time for yourself, time to reflect in quiet, time to find out who you really are. You are not someone's daughter anymore, you are not just the wife anymore, and you need to look beyond the mother in you. Think of these as just titles, not your true self. These are merely phases in your life, and yes they all help to make the person that you are, but they are not all that you are, or can be.

Find your self, did you always want to water ski? What fears do you have? What goals do you have? You need to look at yourself, separate from everyone else. Take the time to search yourself, please yourself, no more pleasing everyone else. You can do more, you are a worthy person too. You are allowed to have a hobby, you are allowed to have fun. Don't let yourself get lost, in the hopes that you can please everyone.

If you do not find yourself, one day, you will wake up and sorry to say, your parents will be gone, your children grown and moved away, your spouse may also be gone. Then you are alone with yourself, a self you do not know, because it was made up of everyone else's wishes and dreams. Find yourself now, get to know yourself, have some of your own dreams, this is not being selfish, it is being a whole person. When you become a whole person, your true self, then you will discover happiness.

Learn more about this author, Melody Hatke.
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