When you marry someone, you also marry their family. All families function in different ways and getting used to the way your new family behaves can be a daunting experience. Bringing two families together is always difficult. New cultures, new customs, new ideas and new people can seem like the perfect breeding ground for dysfunction. It doesn't have to be. There are a few ways to deal with it.

Getting to Know Them

Most people have quirks and behaviors that others find odd. Instead of assuming you know all about your in-laws, give them a chance. Ask them about hobbies, your spouse's childhood, their work or anything else that draws them out. Getting to know someone usually leads to a greater understanding of those weird little pieces of their personalities that drive you mad.

Calm and Cool

Try to remain calm, cool and collected, no matter what is going on. Things you find horrific, might be "normal" to these folks. Before getting a bee in your bonnet on a subject, ask your spouse if this is something that goes on all the time or if it's a new issue. If it's something the family has been dealing with for many years, chances are, you are not going to "fix" it. Don't try. Just try to remain detached and carry on with the event you're attending. Later, at home, you can ask all the questions you want to.

Think Before You Speak

In some families, speaking your mind is a given. In others, it's taboo. Try to read the situation before opening your mouth. It's always a good idea to feel out any situation before you start talking. It's better to be silent than to say the wrong thing. Remember, too, that most times, it's not what you say, but how you say it. Asking questions is better than making statements which are assumptions.

Family Events

If you've got to attend a family event and are uncomfortable, let your spouse know before the event. Ask them to stick by your side and not leave you in the dust while they circulate. Be kind about it, not accusatory. Your spouse will more than likely understand. Remember to return the favor when it's your family's event.

Let It Go

Try hard to not harp on the oddities in your spouse's family. More than likely, your spouse knows exactly how odd his or her family might be. And it might be a sore point for them. By all means, ask questions but in such a way that your partner doesn't feel like you're passing judgment.

Between the Two of You

Work out with your spouse what behavior is unacceptable and you really can't abide by. A quiet, secret signal between the two of you, when you're at the end of your rope dealing with the in-laws is a great idea. Be it a sentence or a gesture, make sure you've got it in place before family functions.

Come to Terms with The Differences

The best way to deal with in-laws is with a forgiving attitude. After all, these people raised your spouse and had a large part in making them who they are. And since you love your wife or husband, try hard to forgive when you're wronged. Sometimes, it will be beyond difficult. And sometimes, it will be easier than you think. Coming to terms with your in-laws will make your marriage stronger and your life easier.

Learn more about this author, Kat Apf.
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