by Alison Sloan

Created on: May 12, 2009   Last Updated: May 14, 2009

So you feel you have all the components to support a healthy, happy and enduring marriage. You are deeply in love and committed to spend your lives together. You share mutual respect and trust. Surely those qualities are the formula for a blissful marriage?

Well you definitely have a head start, but of course life isn't that simple. Like the world's greatest fiction, our lives are steeped in conflict.

Of course, conflict happens and shouldn't be avoided, and if dealt with correctly and resolved with satisfaction, might just strengthen a relationship bond. The mistake lots of people make, when deals with conflict, is to mishandle it or avoid it altogether.

So what is conflict?

The dictionary definition of conflict is a difference in opinions; a disagreement or clash between ideas, principles, or people.

Conflicting experiences can happen daily in all aspects of our lives. I've had a number of conflicting discussions with my teenage son, only this morning, all resolved with a modicum of success; we agreed to differ!

So how should we handle conflict?

In order to look at how to handle disagreements in our relationships, we should probably look at the guidelines in how not to deal with conflict.

There are certain indicators that your approach to conflict could damage your relationship. But can these actions really cause lasting damage to your marriage?

Ignore the problem and it will go away.

Couples who ignore conflicting situations and refuse to discuss and tackle any problems, possibly in the hope they resolve themselves, risk feelings of resentment, frustration and anger to fester in their marriage. These feelings can feed further conflict.

We've all heard the saying, never go to sleep on an argument. Sage advice and of course it has been the route of success for many, but if I had followed this advice in the early days of my 27 years of marriage, the sleep deprivation would have led to murder. Sometimes, sleeping on it and things look better in the morning, worked for us.

Looking back on these early days, my confrontational personality and my husband's avoidance of conflict were an explosive combination, add festering resentment and a little alcohol and I could catalogue unresolved grievances that spanned back years. With my powers of recall, and my habit of reiterating on every point, you'd be forgiven for thinking we were totally incompatible as partners. Eventually through the years we learned to tackle issues in a healthier fashion; as they

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