by Carolyn Tytler

Created on: May 12, 2009

The litany of ailments which may afflict humans as they get older is long: heart disease, cancer, cataracts, arthritis, osteoporosis and yes, Alzheimer's disease. All of these are illnesses. They are the result of aging; the senior did not request the disease, in most cases they did nothing to cause it. They need compassion and maybe extra support, but certainly not isolation.

To stop a beloved grandchild from visiting because the grandparent shows symptoms of Alzheimer's might be considered punishment to a mind not functioning normally. For many reasons, keeping grandchildren away from such a senior would be mistake for everyone concerned.

I'm not speaking now of Alzheimer's sufferers who are exhibiting irrational behaviors, who are emotionally upset, verbally abusive or who must be kept under physical restraints and constantly struggles against them. Of course, this would be upsetting for the child, and visits during these times should be postponed or rescheduled.

When the grandparent is calm and reasonably agreeable, even though forgetful, quiet or confused, it would be wise to arrange short visits for the grandchild, always with a parent in attendance. It's possible the sight of the young family member might trigger memories of former happy times in the senior's mind. They could be remembered with pleasure by everyone. Such a visit might present an occasion for photos which will be treasured family mementos for years to come.

Children are very adaptable. When a parent explains tactfully that Grandma or Grandpa has a problem with thinking clearly right now, they will usually take the situation in stride. A few reminders to speak quietly and slowly will be all that is necessary. The visits should be short. Any child finds the forced confinement and regulations of a sickroom difficult for extended periods.

Do you have mental pictures of one or several of your grandparents? I do, and I'm thankful for them. I know that I have fine, straight hair like one of my grandmothers. I have arthritic knees and I believe I walk like the other grandmother did. I can't remember any particular conversations I had with them, but I can see them in my mind's eye. These mental images provide a link with previous generations; they help me fit into my place on the family tree.

Your child will also benefit by having known his grandparents, by observing their physical appearances, their personality traits if those are still apparent, and by just being able to give them a hug. These visits aren't just important for today, he'll carry the memory of them into the future. They will help him feel comfortable and secure with his own place on the family tree. Try to take lots of photos, they'll help cement the memories in place.

When the Alzheimer's patient reaches the end of his earthly journey and goes on to receive his eternal reward, you will be at peace, knowing you did your best for all concerned. The grandparent was blessed with the company of the child he loved for as long as he was able comprehend reality. The child was privileged to know his grandparent, in sickness and in health and has memories to last a lifetime.

You have done your best for them both. It's time to move on, and you can do so without regret and with assurance for the future. The child will remember, not only his grandparent, but your care, compassion and wisdom as well.

The cycle of life moves ahead without pause. When you're a senior facing your final illness, be assured that you'll receive the same loving kindness and compassionate treatment you modeled for your child.

Children remember these things.

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