Making the Bedtime Routine Easier for Children of Any Personality Type (not to mention their parents)
Can't get Jr. to go to bed on time despite your most valiant efforts? Does the mere idea of putting your child to bed conjure up images of the WWF? You're not alone. The problem isn't necessarily your methods. The problem probably isn't you or your kids either. The problem may be the combination of the methods you are using and the particular personality type of the child or children you are trying to use them on.
Different personality types are influenced by very different types of motivation. What may sound like a great idea to you, or may work perfectly well with one of your children, may not even come close to influencing a different child. If you have more than one child, you know too well already that different children need to be parented differently. Even parents with only one child are often confused about how to parent a child with a personality type vastly different from their own. It's actually not as complicated as it seems to determine your child's basic personality type and learn to parent them in a language they understand. And the results are worth any effort you put into it as a parent. Here's a quick breakdown of the different personality types of children and the best way to motivate each type to go to bed at night without the threats.
The Strong Willed Child
If your little angel is one that likes to call the shots, this is the paragraph for you. The strong willed child is outgoing and opinionated. They have their own ideas long before they're even able to talk (and don't even try to convince them their ideas aren't right). They're natural born leaders and will go far in life. And that's good, right? It's just not so fun trying to get this personality type to go to bed when it wasn't their idea. The reason? They didn't have any say or any control over the decision that it was bedtime. The solution? Give them some say. Instead of Bedtime! Get your jammies on and brush your teeth. try, Bedtime! Do you want to get your jammies on first or brush your teeth? Now your strong willed child has a say in what will happen. They have some control in their own life, which is really the issue here. So instead of dictating what they will do, give them a set of choices (all of which are acceptable to you, the parent) and let them decide which ones they will do first.
The Happy, Active Child
If you have an outgoing, talkative little people person, this one's for you. This type of child goes Mach 2 all day long and is usually followed by really worn out looking parents. They don't like bedtime because it means the fun has to stop. They never want the fun to stop. So how do you motivate this type child to go to bed willingly? Unlike the strong willed child, this personality type doesn't even remotely care about control. They do, however, care about fun! So the trick is to make bedtime fun. Make it a game. Instead of Bedtime! Get your jammies on. try Bedtime! Let's see how fast you can get your jammies on tonight! Last night it took 3 minutes- - see if you can do it faster tonight! When it comes to brushing teeth, I highly recommend fun, electric toothbrushes with their favorite cartoon character on it. Oh, and don't forget the toothpaste that tastes like bubble gum and comes in glow in the dark colors. I don't think there really is glow in the dark toothpaste, but you get the idea.
The Sweet, Shy Child
This reserved, soft spoken child is usually pretty compliant about most things. Bedtime isn't a battle of wills like it can be with other children. The key to putting this child to bed is a soothing routine. A favorite stuffed animal or blankie. A favorite song or story. Anything calming and gentle in other words, yelling Get in bed now! will have the opposite effect that you're going for. This little one needs hugs and kisses and soft, sweet words.
The Reserved, Analytical Child
These kids are thinkers. They know the rules and follow them (and are aghast when others don't). They are careful and very detail oriented. If you have a child that leans this way, you probably already know that the name of the game is routine, routine, routine. This child doesn't like the unexpected. They need to know what's going to happen ahead of time and bedtime is no exception. If things don't flow as expected, they become anxious and uncooperative. Not a good start for a smooth bedtime routine. So make a routine and stick to it. If you are not an organized, scheduled person, you're going to have to be for this. Set a bedtime and stick to it (don't worry about it, this child will remind you if you forget). Then have a set routine that is followed every night- - jammies, brush teeth, story, lights out.- - or whatever your routine might be. Just so it is consistent night after night. This personality type will thrive on the consistency and go to bed much more cooperatively when they know it is part of the routine. Also of note, my little one with this personality type has a routine of putting her clothes out for the next day and making sure her backpack is by the door with completed homework ready to go. This preparation for the next day makes her feel calmer and less anxious. She sleeps easier knowing her ducks are in a row.
If your child is a combination of two or more of these personality types, just combine the methods until you find what works best for you. Take into account your own personality style and realize that you may have to adjust your own behavior to better communicate with your child. What works for some of us doesn't work for all of us. In the end, it's simple different kids, different motivations. Learn what motivates your child. You'll be surprised at how much more cooperative they can be.