by Yvonne Mccormack

Created on: May 11, 2009   Last Updated: May 12, 2009

I was with my husband for nineteen years. He was my first love. I had never had the experience of being alone ever in my life. I met my husband when I was sixteen, and we were together then until he died.

I was a young widow of 35, I just could not grasp what had happened to me. I would wake up in the morning after a pill induced sleep, as I found it impossible to get to sleep with out a sleeping tablet, and just for a split second I would forget what happened. Then it would hit me full force. My mind would remember, and once again the day would begin with the uncontrollable sobbing.

I found the days long, and the nights even longer. It took a lot of time to come to terms with my widowhood. I was left with three children to raise. The youngest was my son who was ten years old at the time. I honestly think that it was my children who saved my sanity at the time.

I never had to pay a bill when my husband was alive; he took care of everything. So this in itself was a challenge to me. It was like learning how to do all the normal things that ordinarily should come naturally. I had good support from my own family, but unfortunately it was by phone. You see, all my family lived in England. I didn't get much help from my husbands family, just for the initial stages of his death. They didn't even help with the funeral arrangements. That was a big challenge to me. After the funeral I had little or no contact from them.

As the time goes by you learn to cope. Every day a new challenge rears it's ugly head, but you do get the strength to carry on. I had the children to consider, and it did keep me sane in the end . It wasn't easy I did have a complete brake down just a year after my husbands death, and I spent a short time in a psychiatric hospital. My daughter who was then just seventeen, she was sixteen when her dad died. Well she looked after the other two for me. My son was then 11 and my other daughter was 14.

I look back now some times and wonder how I got through it all. Then I know if it wasn't for the three of them I would surely have sunk. God is good, and I do believe that someone was watching out for me and guiding me through the tough times.

One of the challenges that I found hard to cope with in the early days were people. The day when I finally plucked up the courage to go to the shops. I just couldn't believe the way that people and even friends, just avoided me. Some even went so far as to cross the road rather than have to meet me face to face. I found this extremely upsetting.

I did get the chance to speak to these so called friends after some time had passed. I asked them about those times when they avoided me, and they told me they just didn't know what to say to me.

If you are ever in a position like that, and one of your friends has lost their husband. Let me tell you that you don't have to say any thing. You just have to be there for them. Give them a hug , let them cry on your shoulder, you would be surprised at how much this will be appreciated. Please don't avoid them as this action really hurts.

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