To learn that the one you love has been secretly enjoying the company of another is nothing short of devastating. Whether it was a one-night-stand or an ongoing affair, the shock of it all may continue to jolt you throughout the day and night as you stumble to accept your disturbing situation; your trust has been betrayed and your partner, of all people, is responsible. Finding relief from this sick, clinging anxiousness is an absolute process that only time reconciles, but you can recover fully and you can speed the healing. Be loud and clear when you call on your troupes of dignity and determination and possibly friends and family; they will lead you into emotional triumph.

How do I deal with a cheating partner?

Take your position in the matter and stand your ground. Make the decision that you, and therefore, your life, will not be reduced in any way shape or form, especially by an extra-marital affair. Keep focused on what you want in your life. Understand that it is only you who decided who may stay and who may go. Knowing that you are much bigger than their affair, will prevent you from misbehaving out of desperation.

Hitting, for example, doesn't solve anything, as tempting as it is. I did exactly that. I explained to my now-former husband that I thought a good shot or two in his face might make me feel better, but it didn't. Neither did the second one.

When your anger is at peak, you could easily smash every breakable thing in your home or even threaten blackmail of their secret foot-fetish, but another of my experiences with his indiscretion finally taught me that the aim must be to keep your dignity in tact at all costs. Keep in mind that the satisfaction of such impulses is fleeting. So while it may be taxing to maintain your self-control, it will well be worth the effort and your self-esteem will thank you.

If you choose to talk it out with you partner, asking for details of their self indulgence may or may not help. Ask yourself if finding out the relatively tacky details will bring out the best, or the worst in you. Be realistic. Do you really need to know? Or is your curiosity tempting you toward potential further stabs to your heart?

Deciding to separate is an option, if you haven't already removed your physical self from your partner or spouse. Trust is difficult to restore and can be a much slower process than taking a fresh start and exploring a new life. It's up to you and only you to decide if trying to resolve the issues with your partner are worth the effort.

Although the grief is wicked and relentless, it will subside. Just stay true to yourself, don't fall for excuses and know that nobody else can take care of you better than you. If you need to take some time away from it all to close the drapes and cry, give yourself permission and take all of the time that you need.

You are number one and deserve all the happiness the world has to offer your life.

No matter what you decide to do, or how overwhelmingly painful the situation that you have been placed in is, remember that you are not alone.

You have a lot of work to do and maintaining your self-respect is at the top of the pile. Please don't waste time in your search for peacefulness. Frivolous attempts to gain control over the situation, overshadow your dignity an diminish who you are.

Sadly, betrayal is what it is and you can't change it. But make no mistake about it; you will persevere.

Learn more about this author, Corinne Bernat.
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