by Ross Voorhees

Created on: May 10, 2009   Last Updated: May 15, 2009

Ah! The Borg. In an odd way, it makes sense that they would show up on Star Trek: Enterprise. I mean, they did warn us that they would assimilate everything, which I guess includes TV shows. I have it on good authority that they have indeed infiltrated the sets of House, CSI: Miami, Hanna Montana, and even American Idol. Consider that House referred to his last batch of students as numbers, or that the crime lab in Miami has equipment far beyond modern-day capabilities. Borg-itis certainly explains the wooden acting of just about every Disney show, and as far as Idol goes, I have 2 words for you: Ryan Seacrest.

But I digress. We're talking about Star Trek here. You see, there's this thing called continuity, which is usually something assigned to one or two people on a production team. They do things like making sure that a clock in the background doesn't jump several hours in the span of a 5 minute scene, or that glasses or other table objects don't disappear, reappear, or magically refill themselves. They usually also point out errors in a plot that might contradict an established history. Many people make a game out of watching shows and movies repeatedly just to find these gaffes and throw lavish parties whenever they discover one. I guess they do this as a means of proving themselves worthy of becoming a member of the Entertainment Police, or some other secret society bent on world domination.

Anyway, It appears that the film crew of Star Trek: Enterprise was so distracted by T'Pal's on-screen Vulcan hotness that they completely missed the fact that no one in Star Trek: The Next Generation had even heard about the Borg, and had no idea of any imminent threat from the Delta Quadrant that would be showing up around the time that Picard was flying around space showing off his Shakespearean acting props. Data didn't even know, and he was a HUGE Hanna Montana fan. Whoopi knew about the Borg, but then again, Whoopi knew everything, which is why she is now a host of The View. She also wore very large hats and served alcoholic beverages. I'm not sure how that ties into things, but I'm nearly certain that there's a conspiracy lurking somewhere in there.

Or perhaps it was simply due to the fact that the Federation was just getting started at the time, and regulations were a little lax, and that scene was cut from the final episode. Maybe Captain Archer simply forgot to mention it to Star Fleet, or thought, "Hey, that's 300 years from now. I could either do a bunch of paperwork, or spend time with T'Pal... It can wait."

So, thanks to Scott Bakula's hormones, the Borg have now nearly overrun Hollywood. If I haven't convinced you yet, consider the fact that you NEVER see the back of Ryan Seacrest's head, which is where his Borg Implant lies. That's also the real reason Paula Abdul is always so freaked out and incoherent. She doesn't want to become a part of the Collective, and I, for one, can't blame her.

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