by Mwandi M.

Created on: May 10, 2009   Last Updated: May 12, 2009

I once had a co-worker I despised. I called her the mango. It was a befitting name and very few people knew its origins. Every time she came around and said something typical of her seemingly shallow and foolish mannerisms, I'd mutter mango under my breath and my anger would dissipate. But it wasn't enough, and it didn't make her go away. It angered me more and more until the day I chose I had to forgive her and forgive myself and let the bitterness and anger go away

It all began in a customer care training program I participated in for my company when I first chanced upon the co-worker from hell. I hadn't noticed her before; we worked in different offices thus barely communicated. She's pretty and chatty and on first impression, you seem to be able to get along swimmingly with her. I thought if we ever had a chance to work together, we'd probably make a very good team.

How wrong I was.

I was eventually moved to the office where she was in and we were paired to work on a project together. Though the project was eventually completed, our working relationship was doomed from the onset. We simply could not get along because of our divergent viewpoints and work ethics and consequently, our consensual lack of respect for each other.

One day, as I had tea during my break, I happened to sit with a few ladies of various departments in the office. Their topic of conversation was the mango. I listened in a silent, shocked stupor as they annihilated her personality and everything she stood for. Ordinarily, I should have been happy to hear this talk because they slandered a common enemy. But I was unable to feel happy as she was slandered in her absence, without being there to defend herself.

I continued sipping my tea as I had my work epiphany. It dawned on me that she was probably as difficult as she was because of the misconceptions of herself streaming around the office. I realized she was more on the offensive, as she had to fight to be taken seriously and fight to be heard. And thus, as we worked together, she fought me and being a combative personality, I fought back.

From that day, I responded to her with love and empathy. I defended her where it counted, and I gave her a chance to prove that she was more than she was demeaned to be. Although we still generally do not get along, we do not hiss at each other as before. Now there is a calmed acceptance of each other. I also stopped calling her a mango.

I learned that day, that perhaps the person who is making you miserable in the office, is probably having a hard time as well. And if we take the time to see past our own anger and perceived injustices, we may be able to see the person for who they are, and move on past the anger.

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