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Actually, I never got them back. Their dad had filled their heads with lies about me. With time, my boys became their father.

I have spent every day trying to make up to my boys for not being strong enough to stand up to their bullying father. My boys are all men now, and it became clear to me last night no matter what I say, no matter how much I grovel, it does not matter that I am the one who holds the truth. My boys are their fathers' creation. Therefore, I have no worth in their eyes. I have tried for years to make them understand the truth. They choose to believe the lies their father placed in their heads. The violence is passed from father to son. I am sad they refuse to see the truth. However, there comes a time to give up.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. For the first time since my boys were taken from me I finally give up and must accept the fact I will not, nor am I sure I want to be a part of their lives. I will love them without reservation, but I refuse to allow any of them to treat me the way their father treated me. I have two sons who are about to get married, I am not welcome or invited to one of their weddings. The other I am invited, but not welcome.

I am tired ... tired of apologizing for something I had no control over ... Tired of trying to insert myself in their lives and being disappointed at every turn ... I am tired of the backstabbing and cruel remarks ... I am tired of being thought of as inferior ... I am tired of explaining the truth that falls on deaf ears ... I am tired of being disappointed because of their rejection. So today, I leave. This time I will not look back. I will not try to make them see the truth; I refuse to regret my life any longer the way they expect me to. I have to leave. You see since the apple does not fall far from the tree, I have no choice but to refuse to allow any of them to treat me the way their father treated me physically, or emotionally. I look forward to today; it is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe this time around I will find peace and true happiness.

Learn more about this author, Mary Tyrer.
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