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My husband suddenly found himself leaving his office with a cardboard box filled with his personal items and a 'see ya' - wouldn't want to be ya' look on his co-workers faces. They would be him in a few weeks. .

It was time for budget cuts. Of course the first to go were my cleaning ladies. We were in an auto accident a few years ago and I found cleaning difficult while in a full body cast (slight exaggeration). Well, after I was well enough to clean floors, I discovered that I'd lost the desire to start again - go figure. My husband said he'd clean the floors and as most women reading this will have guessed, he did an exceptional job - once. Afterward, he came to me all sweaty and huffing and puffing and expecting a high-five and a brass band. He didn't get either. So, if you see us on that show with the two British ladies screaming and rolling their eyes at the 'bloody filth' in our home, you'll know why.

He had another good idea to save money, I can't fault him for trying. Unbeknown to me, he figured out that dishwasher powder is much more expensive than dishwashing liquid. He called me on my cell phone while I was shopping at the Goodwill and asked if he 'should' do the dishes. I was thrilled, of course he should! When I returned home, not only were the dishes clean, but so was the bottom half of the entire kitchen; fridge, stove, cupboards gleamed like never before. You see he'd filled the soap dispensers in the dishwasher with liquid dish soap. This produced enough scrubbing bubbles to fill a sports dome. So, in the process of cleaning up his foam mountain, he cleaned the bottom of the entire kitchen. No, it never occurred to him to do the top half at the same time, but I'll take whatever help I can get.

I've had my own adventures. I inherited a juice-maker from my in-laws. Since prepared pure juices cost as much as a pound of sirloin, I thought it would be prudent to make my own. The first day I fed the fruits and veggies into the machine and indeed the most wonderful juice we ever tasted came out the other end! Of course I'll have to purchase carrots and apples by the shipping container, but it's still cheaper than processed juice. Then I had a brainstorm (or more of a brain art). The next day, after juicing all twelve pounds of produce, I decided to get more mileage from the pulp by pouring a cup of water into the machine. Not a good idea. The machine went nuts. It started thumping around on the counter like a Spanish dancer, and then it went into a sort of smack-down number while making a sound that sent our beagle howling toward the far end of the house. Finally, it blew its top, literally. This all happened in a matter of seconds, and I pulled the plug, but not before the red plastic food pusher shot across the room, barely missing our cat. This didn't phase her, she growled at me and went back to sleep. As a last gasp, the irate metal menace splattered the walls and ceiling with a trendy green and orange spackle. I briefly thought of leaving it there and telling friends and family it was one of those DIY surface treatments. But I knew the smell would eventually give me away. Be warned, many juicers may be able to make short work of a two-by-four, but lose it if you feed them pure liquid.

I cut back on pet expenses too. Did you know that you can make your own dog treats for pennies? Did you know that dog treats made from raw liver resemble chocolate cookies? My beloved will never sneak my cookies off the cooling rack again - so that will save money, right?

We've had many more adventures trying to survive unemployment, but I fear if I post them on the net there may be visits from the health department, or maybe the department of homeland security!

Learn more about this author, Pat Merewether.
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