Everybody talks about the end of the world as coming from a meteor, or a religious uprising, or fro nuclear war. But these people are all fooling themselves.

Clearly, in the end, the zombies will rule the day.

Voracious, prolific and near unstoppable, zombies are the ultimate scourge. The amount of effort that goes into containing zombies is so great that they're bound to win in the end, regardless of how much military might is throw their way. Yet many fall to zombies out of sheer foolishness, ignoring several simple pieces of advice that are vital to survival.

Here, then, is a list of tips that will help you survive YOUR next zombie apocalypse.

- At the first sign of a zombie outbreak, start stockpiling food and water. En masse. Make sure you have lots of non-perishable, canned items, and as much of it from each food group as possible. You'll also want the proper gear should the outbreak spread and you need to get on the move.

- Exercise. If you DO have to move, you're going to want to move quick. Keep physically active for several hours a day in case you need to run for long periods of time. Practice exercising with all your gear on, as well, and work on moving quietly with huge loads on your back.

- Practice with fire arms. Get a good pistol or rifle and practice like crazy with it. Know the thing inside and out, and get a good sense for head shots. Be sure to stockpile plenty of ammunition for your weapon of choice.

-Speaking of which, when fighting zombies, aim for the head. Most fire arm experts consider head shots to be foolish; however zombies are slow and won't dodge your shots, making a blow to the cranium much easier. Destroying the brain is the easiest way to take down a zombie.

- Consider getting a home either in the suburbs or the country. The city is a death trap for zombies, and very difficult to escape in mass outbreaks. Rural folk have it easy by comparison, and can probably ride most of it out in barricaded homes. And, if you do live in the city but manage to escape, head for the country pronto.

- Get a bike. A car is handy for quick escapes, sure, but how long do you think you can keep it fuelled? Bikes move quietly and can swerve between legions of slow moving zombies with relative ease. I'd only recommend motor vehicles for large groups of people.

- Speaking of which, find friends you trust with your life and stick with them. Other members of a group are very helpful in keeping watch at night and covering your back in combat situations. If they prove a liability to effective movement, however, be prepared to abandon them at the drop of a hat.

- Avoid lingering in one place for too long. If there's one thing zombie movies have taught us it's that those who stick it out in one area invariably find the front of their new residence mobbed by zombies, and they never stay outside for long. As tempting as living in a mall might be, the risks are just too high.

- And, most importantly, find a nice abandoned island to set up shop on. Zombies aren't exactly great swimmers, and though you may run across the occasional drifter an island retreat is an ideal place to live out the apocalypse. You can also use it as a base to raid the mainland when your supplies start to get low, and over the years you'll probably find such raids getting easier and easier as zombie bodies break down and become useless.

And now, I have to run. Zombies at the door. Good luck!

Learn more about this author, Matt Bird.
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