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Fatherhood is a privilege and a pleasure that should be treated with the highest level of respect possible. It is a gift that should be always treated as such. Unfortunately many men do not treat this gift with the respect that it deserves. I know this from personal experience and I can say without any fear of being incorrect that the lack of my fathers emotional availability in my life has had a profound effect both from a positive and negative sense.

Growing up with a physical disability was not easy. Being confined to wheelchair had challenges that kept changing on a daily basis and ultimately led to significant frustration for everyone in my household. Unfortunately my father was an alcoholic who refused to seek treatment for his addiction. He also was very physically and emotionally abusive to me and to this day is not take any personal responsibility for that series of negative actions that he took. His actions led to me feeling like I did not matter and also caused me to become involved in drugs very early in my youth. I'm not saying that I had no personal responsibility for my own actions, but I've seen firsthand what is like when a parent chairs more about themselves than their children. Years of abuse, made me very difficult to live with. Between the drugs and severe depression I undoubtedly have hurt many people in my life without actually meaning to. While the choices I made were my own, I can't help think how different things might have been my father was a man enough to be accountable.

To the outside world, he wasn't a bad guy. As a public figure, many people saw him as a pillar of strength in the community. Furthermore, they never would have believe me if I explained to them what was going on behind closed doors. I remember being kicked, slapped, hit and whipped on a daily basis for things that I could not control. I remember being told that my life did not matter and that I was nothing but a disappointment to my father. Some people will claim that not every individual is intended for fatherhood. My response to this is simply, with all the alternatives as far as birth control there is no reason for unwanted pregnancy. If you really don't want to get involved in being a father for the first time or again, whichever the case may be, use the proper precautions.

I remember, being about nine years old and screaming at my father that somehow some way I was going to be a better father than he was to me someday. It took me years

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