by Brandy Myers

Created on: May 08, 2009

My love for gardening began at three, while helping my parents tend to our garden in Utah. I have always felt refreshed and at home in the garden. The way the leaves move, the soil sifting between my fingers, and the fragrant scent of the earth. The first years of my life were consumed with hospital stays and long hours playing in the children's area of the hospital while my brother was treated for terminal cancer. We were two years apart and very close. I can still remember the smell of the lake by the hospital and the playground under a big oak tree. When my brother was in remission we would tend to the garden, which was about an acre. We grew everything from corn to blackberries. My favorite part was shucking the corn. At three I had developed a wonderful love for nature and the soothing entity it contained. After my brother passed I found myself lost, the pain was terrible and my parents could barely talk about it. I had no one to talk to and soon was found spending most of my time lying on the ground in the garden. As I lay there I felt the energy of the earth, I could hear the marching of the insects and the whisper of the leaves singing a quiet lullaby. At times I had imagined the mother earth wrapping her arms around me as the energy became one with my body, mind and soul. After my brother's passing we left the garden I had grown to love and replaced it with the confines of an apartment.

As time went on I could never understand why I would be so blue. I felt like I was missing a very important part of myself. I suffered through a very abusive relationship and a current custody battle. About a month ago while doing the dishes, I suffered a minor panic attack. Feeling overwhelmed in my life and the things in it. I fled my upstairs apartment and went to the ground. As I laid down upon the ground and remembered all the things I felt from a long time ago. Mother earth was still trying to reach into my saddened soul and caress my heart into beating clean and pure again. The sadness began to diminish as I looked up through the trees and around the base of my apartment stairs which were completely void of plants. This stirred up a passionate desire to garden, and I dared ask the apartment management for permission to garden. To my delight they said yes, they cautioned me that if code enforcement said no, I would have to remove my plants.

The emotional healing has begun, and through the sweat I cry tears. The weight of the pain lessens with each movement in the soil. I had forgotten over the years the wonderful power of the healing garden. If it is loved it will love back. I watch with my son enjoy the wonders of the garden. Most weekends we can be found lying on our backs looking at the clouds near our own garden. He smiles a little more everyday and it just reminds me how healing our little garden is. I will never forget the day we planted the seedlings, my son ran up to me and flung himself into me and said, "this is our magical place nobody can be here but you and me!"

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