by Terry Donelson

Created on: May 08, 2009   Last Updated: May 10, 2009

CAN MEN AND WOMEN BE FRIENDS?

The first thought that comes to my mind when asked this question is: Define friends. For the purpose of this discussion, and for the sake of simplicity, let's start by defining friendship as a strictly platonic relationship. Is such a relationship possible? There is no doubt in my mind that it is. Given a scenario of a man and a woman with absolutely no physical/sexual attraction for each other who have shared interests, beliefs, etc., there is no reason they could not be friends. Is such a relationship likely? Not on your life. But again, let's revisit the definition of friends.

Do you consider your opposite sex co-workers friends? Are you wife's or girl-friend's female friends also YOUR friends? How about your same-sex friend's wives/girl-friends? Are they YOUR friends too? Do you find any of these people sexually attractive? My guess would be that you probably do. If so, can you resist the urge to have sex with them? Hopefully the answer to this question is yes. If not, you are probably friendless, likely unemployed, and your life might well be in jeopardy. It really boils down to how you define a friend.

In my opinion, these are all examples of acquaintances. We all have a circle of acquaintances, male and female, that we interact with on a regular basis. We often engage in a little harmless flirtation, but usually know better than to cross that line. The question really is can a man and a woman be close and/or best friends? Can they be alone together - one on one? Can they go out to eat, go to the movies, go to concerts, basketball games, go shopping, etc.? Can they hang out at each others apartments and watch movies, play video games, have heart to heart talks without the relationship ever turning sexual? And how would this type of relationship go over with his girlfriend/wife or her boyfriend/husband if either was involved with someone?

Call me a dinosaur if you will or a pig if you must, but it is my contention that not many men or women would be comfortable or accepting if their significant other were to be involved in this type of relationship. Personally, my physical well being and my very life would be at serious risk. It is also my contention that a man cannot have a female best friend and a woman cannot have a male best friend without there being a certain amount of sexual attraction involved. It may or may not be acted upon, but that brings up the next question.

Can men and women have a sexual relationship and still be just friends? I believe I have heard such an arrangement referred to as friends with benefits. Now that would be an interesting concept to take home to my wife. Honey, Amy and I are going to the basketball game tonight and since it probably won't be over until late, I was thinking I'll just stay at her place tonight and have sex with her OK?

Seriously if a man and a woman are both unattached, a sexual friendship might work. But again I doubt it. There are just too many emotions involved and sooner or later somebody will get hurt. The dinosaur in me does not believe there is any way an act as intense as sex can be casual, and that some people simply try to fool themselves into thinking otherwise.

One of my favorite lines on this subject comes from a 1980 movie titled Foolin' Around with Eddie Albert and Gary Busey. Mr. Albert's character informed Mr. Busey's character: Son, you can have liquor for a friend; you can have a dog for a friend; but if you have a woman for a friend, you'll only end up drunk and sleeping with your dog.

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